Tears in Heaven
by gleekinout
Summary: Noah Puckerman hasn't seen anyone since he left Lima a year ago. After coming back for an unexpected tragedy, he runs into Rachel Berry, learning that she left school and dumped Finn. When she tells him she's planning on doing everything on her 'bucket list', he decides to help her do it, discovering the tragic reason she left school in the first place.
1. The Bucket List

**This is going to be in first person POV and takes place about two years after season 3.**

_Noah_

I hate suits.

I've had to wear a suit five times in my life, and every time I have a memory of discomfort and misery. Today was the sixth time I was wearing a suit, and I hated it as much as I hated it the last five times I wore one.

But I promised Kurt I would wear it, promised I show respect or some shit like that. He was being ridiculous about the dress code, but I suppose I could cut him some slack. His dad did just die, after all.

Heart attack in the middle of the night. Finn told me it was a big one and by the time they got him to the hospital, it was too late. He was gone.

I'd been living in Chicago for the past year, going to school in an attempt to make myself less of a fucking idiot. I'd finished my first year of school and felt slightly accomplished. I'd managed straight B's, which was a first.

Now it was June and I was back in the town I hated more than anything. Finn was back from his station in Georgia, staying with his mother in an attempt to comfort her. After all, this was the second husband she had lost. Poor Carole.

Finn and I spent the days before the funeral together, catching up. It's been almost a year since I'd seen him, after all. After he told me what happened to Burt, he started talking about Rachel.

Ah yes, Rachel Berry. Former lead of New Directions and ex-fiancée of Finn. Turns out, they got back together in December, but she'd dumped him the next September without so much as an explanation. She just told him it was over and not to call her.

He didn't understand it. They'd been doing well after getting back together, even though they'd hardly seen each other—her in New York and him in Georgia. He said she'd cut everyone out of her life around the same time. Kurt had told him she quit school and moved back in with her fathers, and no one knew why.

I didn't understand it—the Rachel Berry I remembered from high school would never leave New York. That was her whole dream. I'd only dated the girl for a few weeks and I even knew that. Broadway was her life, so I couldn't understand why she would give it up.

I also couldn't understand why this was bugging me. Rachel had always annoyed me. Sure, I stuck up for her because she was a hot Jew and she was kind of a friend, but that didn't make her any less annoying. But after Finn had mentioned her dropping off the face of the earth, I couldn't stop thinking about her.

Friday morning was the funeral. Finn, Kurt, and Carole stood in the front, receiving everyone. I gave Finn's mom a hug. Mrs. H had always liked me, despite the fact that I was a screw up and got her son's girlfriend pregnant sophomore year. She didn't deserve this—she'd been through a lot without Burt dying.

And Kurt…my boy didn't deserve this. His mother was dead, and now his father was too. I pulled him into a hug, feeling him shaking a little in my arms. I didn't say anything, I just gave him my non-verbal support during this time.

The service was in a small funeral home in town. The room was decorated with pictures and flowers, all of it showing off how much Burt had been loved.

Once everyone had arrived, the service started. The minister walked up to the podium, clearing his throat. "First, Miss Rachel Berry will be singing a song in memory of the deceased."

I looked up, my attention peaked. The elusive Rachel Berry was making an appearance, a funeral big enough to pull her out of hiding.

I stared with shock as a girl with dark brown hair stood up. She didn't look like the Rachel I remembered. The black dress she wore hung loosely around her body. She'd lost a lot of weight over the past few years, and it didn't look good on her.

Rachel struggled to climb the few stairs to the podium, her one father helping her up. He whispered something to her, but she shook her head and he took his seat.

There were whispers as everyone looked at her, barely recognizing the girl that was destined for something great.

The piano started and Rachel began singing Sarah McLachlan's _Angel_.

No, that wasn't Rachel. Her voice was weak, not the powerful voice everyone was used to. She could barely hit the high notes anymore.

I almost started crying, but not because of the song. It was because of Rachel. What had happened to her?

When the song ended, Rachel's one father helped her back to her seat and the service started. I hardly paid attention—all I could think about was Rachel and her new appearance. Maybe she had developed an eating disorder—but she didn't look like those skeleton-thin girls I'd seen in those videos they used to show us in health class.

Maybe she had some strange disease? Though I had no idea what just weight loss and weakness could be.

Maybe it was just my imagination and she was perfectly normal.

Once the service had ended, everyone headed to the cemetery for the burial. I stood beside Finn as he watched Burt's casket lowered into the ground. He didn't cry, but I knew it was killing him inside—Burt had been his father. He'd never treated him like a step-father, and Burt never treated him like a step-son.

I looked around, not spotting Rachel anywhere. Maybe she'd gone home to—no, there she was. She was standing towards the back, both her father's arms wrapped around her shoulders. She was crying, unable to look at the casket.

Flowers were placed on the grave and the final service ended. Kurt made an announcement about a reception at the only country club in town. Free food? I'd be there.

I drove myself over from the cemetery, giving Finn a ride. He wanted some space from his mom and Kurt, not that I blamed him. They were both an emotional wreck.

"Did you see Rachel?" I asked as we pulled out of the parking lot.

"How could I not? She was singing at my dad's funeral," he muttered. I gave Finn a sad smile as he called Burt his father, patting his shoulder. That was the best comfort I could give him—I wasn't very good with comforting people.

Now if he needed me to kick someone's ass that was a different story.

"Well?" I asked, wondering if he was internally freaking out about her like I was.

"Well what? Do you want to know if I'm still in love with her?" he snapped. "It sucked seeing her. I don't know why Kurt had to let her sing that damn song. She barely even knew him. And then she has to look amazing like usual while I try and figure out why she dumped me." He crossed his arms over his chest, sulking.

"Sorry for bringing her up," I muttered, dropping the subject entirely. It had been a little under a year since they'd broken up. I thought he was over her. Apparently not.

We arrived at the place and parked, walking in together silently. I saw the open bar and smiled. Kurt Hummel, you beautiful human being.

After I grabbed a drink, I turned and evaluated the scene. Kurt was standing with Blaine, wiping his eyes. Finn had told me they broke up a few months ago, though they didn't seem to show any of the awkward post-break up appearances. Maybe they were still friends, or at least acting that way for now.

Tina and Mike, newly engaged, had flown in from Chicago last night. I saw them every few weeks, the three of us meeting for coffee or dinner. It was nice to have someone I knew out there with me.

Santana was there without Brittany. They'd broken up last year when Brittany moved to Bermuda and Santana stayed in New York.

Artie was talking with Santana. He had spent the last year at film school in Los Angeles and was apparently directing the school's theater production for the fall.

And then there was Rachel. She was sitting alone at a table, a glass of water in front of her. Her dads hadn't come with her, and no one from New Directions seemed to be speaking to her.

"So are you planning on being social at all or are you going to stare at that glass for the whole time?" I asked, taking a seat at the table next to her.

Rachel looked at me, her dark curls framing her face. Up close, I could see the weight loss in her face. She really didn't look well. I just didn't get how I was the only one who saw it.

"I was attempting to telepathically tell it to jump up and sing, but I guess my mind powers need some work," she joked. I heard the weakness in her voice that I heard earlier when she sang. "It's nice to see you, Noah. I must have missed you at Mr. Hummel's funeral."

I chuckled, smiling at her. "I was sitting behind your former fiancée," Rachel seemed to fidget uncomfortably at the mention of Finn. "He almost bit my head off in the car when I brought you up."

"Yes, I heard he still wasn't taking things well," she murmured, giving me a look that said 'don't you dare ask'.

"And I heard your dumped him right around the same time you dropped out of school and moved back to Lima. Now we may not have been the best of friends, but that doesn't seem like a very Rachel Berry thing to do. I thought New York and Broadway were your dreams."

"They are. I'm just taking some time off and fulfilling other dreams I have."

"I didn't know you had other dreams." I really didn't. All she had ever talked about back in school was making it big on Broadway, playing the title role in god knows how many shows I'd never heard of. Rachel Berry didn't _have_ other dreams.

"Of course I have other dreams. No one person just has one dream."

"Oh yeah? Tell me what some of your other dreams are," I challenged.

Rachel reached into her bag, producing a folded square of paper. I reached for it, but she pulled back. "You can't read it—it's private. Be a princess, go to Disneyworld, climb the Eiffel Tower in Paris, swim with dolphins, be on Broadway…those are just some of them."

"What's number one?" I asked, curious about what her biggest dream was.

Rachel's face turned a light shade of red as she shook her head. "I can't tell you that. It's a secret."

"Oh come on, I want to know," I protested, very curious at this point.

Rachel shook her head. "No, if I tell you I'd have to kill you and I don't think Finn wants to go to another funeral so soon," she teased. I smiled at her, shaking my head a bit.

"You know, those dreams of yours are a bit hard to accomplish. How do you plan on becoming a princess? Neither of your dads are kings—"

"So you think," she joked, interrupting me.

I ignored her. "And Paris, Disneyworld, swimming with dolphins—that all costs a lot of money. Plus you quit school so I doubt they'll let you on Broadway in the near future."

"Did anyone tell you you're a real negative Nancy?" she asked, disregarding everything I'd just said. "You don't have to think I can achieve my dreams. I'm going to spend as much time as I want making every dream on my list. And right now I'm regretting telling you any of this because I can tell you're judging me in your mind, so don't even try and deny it."

"I wasn't going to deny it," said. "I think it's stupid. You threw away an education for something stupid. Those dreams could have waited a few years. Why didn't you just finish school and do this after?"

"They might not be able to wait. What if I get hit by a bus in a week and die? I would hate to die and never have fulfilled any of my dreams."

"But most people won't get hit by a bus in a week and die. Most normal people don't dump everything in their lives to do some stupid bucket list because of a paranoid fear they're going to get hit by public transportation and die."

"Nice to see you're as much of an ass as you were in high school," she snapped, looking off to the side. "It's just something I'm choosing to do. You don't have to like it or care—it's my life, not yours." She stood up, looking down at me. "Real nice seeing you again, Noah," she said sarcastically, walking away from me.

I saw her whisper something to Kurt before giving him a hug. She placed a hand on Finn's shoulder but he ignored her.

She left after that.

I was staying with Finn and Kurt for a few days before I headed back to Chicago. Even though I was done with school, I had no desire to spend more time than necessary in this shitty town.

Lying in the guest bed, I stared at the ceiling. I had one more day left in Lima before I went back to my new home and new friends, forgetting my old friends as soon as I made it past the Lima border.

But that wasn't entirely true. I always thought about the people I left behind when I was alone.

Like Rachel.

Sure, I'd liked her in high school, but she was Finn's girl. And now since they were broken up, she was off-limits. Bros before hoes or some shit like that.

But I couldn't help thinking about her and her stupid plan to quit school and do whatever the hell she wanted. She never even said when she was planning on going back—or if she was planning on doing that.

It was like that movie I saw with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson where they both had cancer and ran away from the hospital so they could do things like sky dive and climb Mount Everest. But they were old men, not young girls in school. It just didn't make any sense.

I hadn't thought about Rachel since she left for New York, but now I couldn't stop thinking about her and how much fun she was going to have going to Disneyworld and swimming with dolphins.

Fuck it.

All it took was one phone call, one phone call and I didn't have plans for the year anymore. Sure, my mom would be pissed, but she'd get over it. I'd go back to school next year and she'd forget this ever even happened.

I found Kurt in the kitchen and convinced him I needed to borrow his car. I may have exaggerated things and threw in the phrase 'life or death', but I got his car regardless.

I drove the familiar route to the Berry's house. I'd been there a few times for stupid glee club stuff back in high school or the two times she left me make out with her.

I parked beside the mailbox, looking at the two cars on the driveway. The one was her dads, the other was hers. I sighed, climbing out of the car before shutting the door. I walked up to her front door, ringing the doorbell.

There was a pause, a click, and the door opened. Rachel was standing in her pajamas, a piece of gauze taped to her hand. She stared at me for a moment before crossing her arms over her chest. "What do you want?" she asked me, a trace of annoyance in her voice. "I thought you'd have left by now."

"I dropped out of school. Look, I'm sorry about the funeral. I shouldn't have insulted your plans. And, you know, it sounds pretty fun, doing all that stuff. I want in."

Rachel let out a scoff before stepping outside, closing the door behind her. I watched her hand, noticing as she trembled slightly.

"So, even though you were making fun of me and telling me how it was stupid, you want to help me achieve my dreams now?" she asked, staring up at me.

"Well, yeah," I said, scratching the back of my neck. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because you're you and I'm me. We've never done anything together besides the few times we made out in my room. You think everything I do is stupid and annoying. You have no reason to ever want to help me."

I sighed. "Okay, so maybe that's all true and I think you're super annoying most of the time, but I still want to help you do this."

"Well, maybe I don't want you to help me," she spat back.

"Fine, but doing that all alone is going to get boring. I mean, spending a few days in Disneyworld by yourself? Sounds pretty lame," I teased.

Rachel let out another sigh. "You're going to be a pest, not a help," she murmured.

"I promise, I won't," I said. "Just…why are you doing this?" I asked, beyond curious. "You could do this at any time, why are you doing it now?"

Rachel bit her lip, shaking her head. "I can't tell you, not now at least. If I promise to let you help me, will you promise to let me tell you when I'm ready?" she asked.

I sighed, thinking it over before nodding. "Fine, but you will tell me eventually?"

Rachel nodded her head. "I promise I will."

"Well, then perfect. Now go pack your bags—we're leaving tomorrow."

"Leaving for where tomorrow?" she asked.

"It's a surprise, but you're going to cross a few things off your bucket list," I laughed, giving her a hug. "I'll be back tomorrow."

And with that, I walked away. I could feel her staring after me, but I just walked to the car. I couldn't wait to see her tomorrow and show her the surprise I had planned.


	2. If I Die Young

**AN: Oh my, thank you everyone so much for all your reviews, favorites, and alerts. I'm so glad you like it so far. Your feedback is what keeps me writing. Thank you again.**

_Rachel_

If I were to pinpoint the exact day when my life ended, it would be June 3rd, 2013. That was the day I first broke a glass by dropping it.

It wasn't the last time I'd break one—everything I owned had to be plastic now. But it was the first day I realized something was wrong.

I'd been in the kitchen with a glass of water in my hand when I dropped it. The glass wasn't slippery and nothing had startled me—I'd just dropped it. Dr. Hoffsman would later tell me that was an early sign—dropping things.

After that, I started getting clumsier. It was minor things most people would barely notice—tripping over the edge of a rug, dropping things, stumbling over my own feet.

When Finn was home on leave, he said I was being ridiculous when I told him my concerns, not caring about anything I had to say. Things had been like that since we'd gotten back together—we hooked up instead of talking. I didn't feel the same way about him as I did in high school. We were just different people and wanted different things in life.

By the time I arrived back in New York for school, I was worrying about how I was going to perform when I couldn't even walk without tripping. But then there were flyers about the school's winter musical—_Oklahoma!_ All worries went out the window and audition ideas filled my brain.

I figured I wouldn't get a leading role—I was just a sophomore. But maybe I'd at least get Gertie. Sure, she didn't have a solo, but she had actual lines.

Of course, nothing ever went the way it was planned. I was rehearsing my dance for the audition when I tripped over the rug in my dorm room and hi my head on the edge of my bed. Katie, my roommate, saw and forced me to go to the hospital.

Turns out I hit my head hard enough that I had a concussion. When I was alone with the nurse, I told her how I'd been falling and dropping things a lot. She promised to tell the doctor, which ended up with me being in the hospital for a week while they ran test after test.

That was when I first met Dr. Hoffsman. He was a neurologist who specialized in degenerative diseases. When he sat in the chair next to my bed, I felt strangely calm. He reminded me of my grandfather, probably because he was almost 80 years old.

Though when he took my hand, I knew it was bad. He spent over an hour in my room, explaining exactly what he thought was wrong with me and what was going to happen to me.

ALS. Lou Gehrig's disease. I was going to die.

I sat there in shock, not believing him. No, this had to be some kind of sick joke. I was nineteen. Nineteen-year-old girls didn't get a disease that was going to kill them. Especially not me—I was going to be on Broadway!

My dads flew out to New York and we talked things over. They wanted to get a second opinion, a third opinion—as many as it would take for their only daughter to not be dying.

But I refused. I knew Dr. Hoffsman was right. Something was wrong with me, and now it made sense. I was getting weaker, dropping things. He said at some point I wouldn't be able to walk anymore. He said I would be dead in five years most likely. There were those rare cases where a patient had a mild form and they lived much longer, but he didn't think that was the case with me.

My dads brought me back to my dorm as we discussed what we were going to do.

I was done with school. I only had a few years left—I didn't want to waste it studying to do something I was never going to get the chance to do. I broke up with Finn, not bothering to tell him the real reason why. I said we'd grown apart—I didn't mention me being sick. I didn't want him knowing. I didn't want _anyone _knowing.

I moved back home, not even giving my roommate an explanation. Katie called every day, demanding to know why I'd dropped out. She said I'd been a shoe-in for Ado Annie, that I was one of the five most talented people in our class, that there were rumors spreading around the school as to why I dropped out, that she was hurt that I hadn't told her I was leaving.

Lying was starting to become natural. I told her lies about family troubles, boyfriend troubles, and even threw in a mental breakdown. Eventually, she stopped calling and I stopped caring.

I was numb—numb to the world, numb to my emotions, numb to the fear that I was dying. I just didn't care anymore.

There were moments when I thought about ending it all, leaving the world on my own terms instead of waiting for this disease to kill me.

_No_, I told myself. That was quitting, and Rachel Berry was not a quitter.

Instead, I stayed in my room for months, refusing to come out even for dinner. I spent my days watching sad movies and crying. I didn't talk to anyone and certainly didn't see anyone. I lost ten pounds, which was a lot given my petite frame.

I looked like death. My skin had become pale and thin from no sunlight and me not taking care of it. My hair started falling out and it lost its normal shine. My whole appearance became drab and depressing—daddy even said I looked like a ghost.

I was feeling sorry for myself, grieving the impending loss of my life. I wasn't living anymore—I was just waiting for my inevitable death to come and take me away from this unjust world.

I began spending my days watching sad movies, wanting to continue feeling as miserable as I did at that moment. _A Walk to Remember, The Notebook, Nights in Rodanthe, Ghost, Titanic_…I watched them all. And I didn't shed one tear. All of those characters were dead—they didn't have a slow death to look forward to like I did.

My dads were getting annoyed with me. I wasn't doing anything—I'd even skipped a few appointments with my doctor. They were not happy about that.

Then one night Daddy Leroy decided we were going to watch some movie together as a family. He had picked _The Bucket List_, something I instantly protested. I did not want to watch a movie about people dying—I'd already done that for two weeks straight.

But both my dads forced me to sit on the couch and watch it with them.

And, surprisingly, I paid attention the whole time. I watched two men dying of cancer live their lives to the fullest in their last few months instead of moping around like I was doing. They actually went out and lived. Granted the one character was basically a billionaire, but they still did something before they kicked the bucket—died with no regrets.

And me? Well, if I stayed on the couch until I was dead, I would die with lots of regrets. There was so much I wanted to do that I'd never had a chance to.

So that night I wrote my list—it was three pages long by the time I finished, and some of the items on there were so embarrassing, I couldn't believe I'd actually written them down. I stapled the pages together then folded the list, placing it under my mattress where no one would find it—I couldn't have my dads reading that I wanted to have a one night stand before I died, after all.

And there my list stayed until Burt Hummel died. The months in between me writing the list and the funeral had consisted of me attempting to figure out ways to do some of the things on that list. I had no money and no idea how I would do any of the things on there. Many of them required other people to be involved—and I was sure most people wouldn't want to have sex with a girl who was dying.

And then there was the number one item—I had no fucking idea how I was ever going to achieve that. Well, maybe that one would just be a dream, something I wished would happen but never would really happen. Something like that took time—the one thing I didn't have.

When I ran into Noah Puckerman, it was honestly a surprise. Last I'd heard, he'd left town and vowed never to return. Yet here he was, sitting with me at a table, talking to me like we were old friends.

Sure, we'd known each other in high school and made out a few times when I was mad at Finn, but we'd never _really_ been friends. He was the resident bad boy and I was an ass-kissing good two-shoes who nobody liked. Even with glee, we still didn't run in the same circles.

But he'd decided to come over and talk to me before proceeding to chew me out about leaving school. I wanted to throw it back in his face—he'd feel bad when he found out I was dying.

But I didn't want to be 'the girl who's dying'. I wanted to be Rachel Berry, future Broadway star of America. So I didn't bother mentioning my disease. I just told him about the list.

Of course he thought it was stupid. Everyone would think that—everyone already did. Kurt had laid into me shortly after I dropped out, telling me how I was wasting the greatest thing that had ever happened to me, how I'd broken his step-brother's heart, how I was going to regret this in a few months.

Our friendship had suffered because of this—he was mad at me for dropping out when we had both vied for the same spot at NYADA our senior year. I wasn't worthy of having gotten that spot in his eyes.

Of course, if he knew what was going on, he'd understand. But I wasn't about to tell him about the recent discovery about my now shortened life expectancy. I'd live with him being mad at me. It was worth it in the end.

The night after the funeral, I took an unscheduled visit to the hospital. I'd fallen in the shower and hit my head. The doctor said it was nothing, but they still kept me overnight for observation. I was getting used to going to and staying in the hospital constantly—it was all a part of being sick.

In the morning I was released and headed back home with my dads. Ever since I'd moved back home, they'd been watching me extremely closely. I could barely breathe without them freaking out about something. I couldn't blame them—as hard as this was on me, it had to be worse for them.

I went back to my room, putting in yet another movie. At this rate, I was going to have watched every depressing love story by the time the month was over.

The doorbell interrupted my movie ten minutes later. I sighed, getting up and pulling a sweatshirt on. "I got it!" I called to my dads, walking slowly down the stairs before pulling the door open.

I stared for a moment at Noah Puckerman standing on my porch, looking awkward and uncomfortable as he stood. I placed my hand behind my back, the bandage still on it from where they put the IV in at the hospital. "What do you want?" I asked, letting out an annoyed sigh. "I thought you'd have left by now."

"I dropped out of school. Look, I'm sorry about the funeral. I shouldn't have insulted your plans. And, you know, it sounds pretty fun, doing all that stuff. I want in." Noah was looking at me, a mischievous grin on his face.

I shook my head, stepping outside and shutting the door behind me. I felt a little weak as I did so, but managed to keep my balance and appear slightly normal, at least.

"So, even though you were making fun of me and telling me how it was stupid, you want to help me achieve my dreams now?" I asked, completely skeptical. What did he want from me?

"Well, yeah," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because you're you and I'm me. We've never done anything together besides the few times we made out in my room. You think everything I do is stupid and annoying. You have no reason to ever want to help me."

Noah frowned a bit and let out a sigh. "Okay, so maybe that's all true and I think you're super annoying most of the time, but I still want to help you do this."

"Well, maybe I don't want you to help me," I retorted. I didn't _need_ help. I could do this all on my own, and I would. I didn't want the kid who used to throw slushies in my face tagging along with me.

"Fine, but doing that all alone is going to get boring. I mean, spending a few days in Disneyworld by yourself? Sounds pretty lame." I couldn't tell if he was being serious or just being an asshole.

"You're going to be a pest, not a help," I said. It was true—Noah Puckerman was many things, but one of those was not a helpful person.

"I promise, I won't. Just…why are you doing this?" he asked. "You could do this at any time, why are you doing it now?"

I bit my lip, shaking her head. "I can't tell you, not now at least. If I promise to let you help me, will you promise to let me tell you when I'm ready?" I asked. I wasn't ready to tell anyone, let alone a blast from the past. Maybe if I indulged him, he'd drop the reasons behind my madness.

"Fine, but you will tell me eventually?"

I nodded her head. "I promise I will." And maybe I would—just not now.

"Well, then perfect. Now go pack your bags—we're leaving tomorrow."

"Leaving for where tomorrow?" I asked, confused.

"It's a surprise, but you're going to cross a few things off your bucket list," he laughed, giving me a hug. "I'll be back tomorrow." And with that, he turned and walked away from my door, climbing into Kurt's car before driving away.

I walked back into the house, shutting the door. I was confused and unsure about was happening. Noah Puckerman was taking me away to some unknown location to check off things on my list of things to do before this disease killed me.

My dads were not going to be happy about this.

I put off telling them all day. Instead, I packed a small suitcase. Well, it started out as a small suitcase. Since I had no idea where we were going, I packed clothes for every type of weather and place. I ended up with a huge suitcase that had enough clothes for two weeks.

At dinner, I decided to tell them.

Daddy Leroy had made pasta with vegetables for dinner, and like usual, I wasn't very hungry. Swallowing things was becoming difficult, so I tended not to eat often.

I knew if I didn't start eating, my doctor was going to have a G-tube put in so I could be fed without having to eat. That wasn't something I wanted—what young girl wants a tube sticking out of their stomach?

I struggled to eat a few pieces of pasta before I put my fork down and looked up at my dads. "So, Noah Puckerman stopped by the house today," I said casually, causing both my fathers to look at me. "I ran into him at the funeral a few days ago," I explained.

"What did he want?" Daddy Hiram asked, a bored tone to his voice. He was hardly paying attention to what I had to say, the paper open on the table beside him.

"Well, I'm leaving. Noah's taking me on a short trip so I can take care of unfinished business."

_That_ caught both of their attentions.

"No. Absolutely not—"

"He doesn't know how to take care of you—"

"What if something happens? What then—"

"You have doctor's appointments to go to. I refuse to let you skip them—"

"You're too fragile to go away from home—"

I sighed, letting them rant for a few minutes. I knew they'd take it like this—they'd been suffocating me ever since I was diagnosed.

"Dads, please. I know you're worried and everything, but I'm an adult. I _want_ to do this. I've been in this house too long. I need to get out and live my life before I can't anymore. You know what the doctor said is going to happen to me—I want to go places before I can't walk anymore."

I took a shaky breath, looking up at them. They had worried, yet soft expressions on their face. I knew I'd won this already.

"Please, Daddy," I pleaded with both of them. "Please let me do this. I promise if something happens, I'll come right home. I just want to be normal for a few days."

Daddy Hiram sighed before nodding his head. "Alright, but you call here every night to check in. If I don't hear from you, I'm coming to find you. Deal?"

I smiled, barely able to contain my excitement. "Deal!" I promised, jumping to my feet and giving them both a hug. I said a silent prayer, thanking God for sending Noah Puckerman back into my life.

**Sorry the first chapters have been kind of slow, it's going to pick up after this. Next chapter we'll find out where Noah is taking Rachel! **


	3. Undisclosed Desires

**AN: Thanks again to everyone who reviewed or just read this story. You're all amazing!**

***Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own **_**Glee**_*****

_Noah_

"You know, if I'm going to help you with this insane trek to check off everything on your list of things to do before you die when you're 200 years old, you're going to have to let me read it," I said to Rachel, looking over at her from the driver's seat.

After leaving her house, I drove back to the Hudson-Hummel house and had Kurt drive me to the used car dealership in town, where I proceeded to buy a crappy, used pickup truck. It was red, dented, scratched, and old—but it worked. I figured that if I was staying in town, I might as well get a car.

It cost three grand. I used the money that was originally intended for my tuition.

"After you tell me where we're going," she replied, drumming her fingers on her bare thigh. Rachel was dressed in a short sundress, and I couldn't help my eyes from wandering over to her bare legs ever few minutes. Luckily, she hadn't caught me staring yet.

"I told you, Berry. It's a surprise," I grinned, exiting off the freeway on the drive to the airport.

"You could have at least told me what I needed to pack for this spontaneous trip," she complained, sighing as she leaned back in the seat.

"Well, that would have given some things away. This is going to be a complete surprise—well, until we land."

"You mean until we get to the gate. I'm going to see where we're going."

"You would if we were taking a commercial jet. We're taking a small, private plane. You won't find out until we get there," I laughed.

"And how exactly are you affording to fly the two of us to some unknown destination on a private plane?" she asked skeptically.

I waved my hand in the hair. "Don't let it concern you. I have my connections." And I did. I'd put in a call to an old friend from high school, and she got me the private plane, the hotel reservations—everything.

Sometimes, it paid to have been such a whore during my McKinley High days.

"By connections, you mean you robbed a bank to pay for this trip, of course," she said, not a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"Oh, Berry, you're too funny," I teased, elbowing her in the side slightly as I pulled into the small airport, parking my car.

Rachel looked at me as I turned the car off. "Listen, Puckerman. If you're going to insist on coming along with me as I have the most amazing year of my life, then I have one rule."

"Shoot."

"Call me Rachel. It's really fucking annoying when you call me Berry. It makes me think you forgot my name—which is a possibility as to why you always call me by my last name instead of my first," she added.

I rolled my eyes but nodded my head. "Right, Rachel," I said, giving her a warm smile. "You can still call me Puckerman if you want, but you only ever do that when you're annoyed."

"Do not!" she huffed.

"Yes, you do. The rest of the time, you call me Noah. You're the only person besides my mom who calls me that," I told her, pulling the keys out of the ignition and stepping out of the car, leaving her inside while I grabbed our suitcases.

Rachel climbed out of the car, already on her phone. I guess spending even that little amount of time with just me was too much for her to handle. I tried to not let that thought hurt my ego.

"Yes, Daddy, we're about to get on the plane," Rachel was saying into her phone. Oh, it was just one of her fathers. She was just checking in—she wasn't completely irritated with my presence yet.

I walked into the hanger, seeing the pilot to our plane drinking a cup of coffee. He waved me over—we must have been the only people flying out at that time—and I headed in his direction, Rachel following behind me slowly.

"We're going to be leaving soon—No, I still don't know where we're going," she sighed into the phone. I saw her make a face—I couldn't tell if it was one of anger or frustration—before she sighed into the phone again. "Okay, okay!" she said, walking over to me and handed me the phone. "My dad wants to talk to you."

I gave her a confused look before taking the pink cellphone, instantly feeling like less of a man. I pressed it to my ear. "Hello?" I asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Sure, I'd met Rachel's fathers before—we all went to the same temple. But I couldn't tell you about any conversation I'd ever had with them because I'd hardly ever spoken three words to them.

"Noah, this is Leroy Berry," came a gruff voice from the other end of the phone. "I wasn't home this morning when you picked Rachel up, and I'm still not entirely comfortable with you taking my only daughter away from me, but Rachel's an adult and this is what she wants, so I guess I'm okay with it. Now, can you please tell me where you two are going?"

I let out a sigh. "I can't. Rachel's standing right here and it's going to be a surprise for her. I promise it's not anywhere dangerous or anywhere she's going to get hurt. We're only going to be there a few days, and then I promise to return her in perfect condition—maybe even in better condition than she left," I joked. I didn't hear him laugh—I guess he didn't find my joke funny.

"Just be careful, because if she comes back with any kind of injury, I will personally make sure you pay for it," he threatened. I got a terrifying image of Leroy Berry disposing of my lifeless body in my mind. I did not want that becoming a reality.

"Don't worry, sir. She'll be fine."

"Oh, and Noah?"

"Yes sir?" I asked, glancing over at Rachel, who was talking with the pilot while shooting worried glances over at me.

"If I found out this is some giant ploy to get into Rachel's pants…well, you'll never have any more kids," he said. "Have fun," he said before there was a click.

I hung up the phone before walking back over to Rachel and the pilot, handing her the phone. "What did my dad want with you?" she asked, looking me over suspiciously.

"Nothing, he just wanted to wish us a safe trip," I lied, Mr. Berry's last words buzzing in my head. Was I doing this to just get into Rachel's pants? I tried convincing myself no, that I was doing this because we were friends and I wanted to help her out while taking a year off school.

But that wasn't entirely true—Rachel and I had never really been friends, something she'd told me more than once since I'd decided to help her.

Rachel was hot, something I had never failed to notice. She was a hot Jew and I was a hot Jew—maybe that's why I wanted to help her.

No, that wasn't it either. All the progress I'd made since high school, all the changes I'd made to my life, were they all for nothing? Was I still the same jerk I was back then who was willing to do and say anything to get a girl to drop her panties?

No, I wasn't. I was different now. I was a better person. Hell, I hadn't slept with anyone since the summer after I graduated. I'd turned over a new leaf, became a new person.

But what was that saying? Old habits die hard or something along those lines. Maybe I'd just tried to convince myself I was different, but deep down I was really the same. Maybe this was a big ploy to get Rachel to sleep with me, only I didn't even know it yet.

No, if I wanted to sleep with her, I would know. I followed Rachel onto the plane, taking a seat beside her. The close proximity to her made my stomach start doing flips and my hands started sweating. No, I didn't like her like _that_. I tried telling my body to stop getting all hot and bothered with her right there, but it refused to listen.

Rachel leaned close to me, her hair falling below my face. I took a breath, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. She smelled like something fruity and flowery at the same time, though I couldn't pinpoint what the exact smells were. All I knew was that she smelled amazing.

Rachel sat up straight when she saw I was breathing heavily and sweating. "Noah?" she asked, looking up at me, her dark eyes scanning my face with concern. "Are you okay? You don't look well right now," she said, placing her hand on top of mine.

Everything was going into overdrive right now. I couldn't think and I didn't know why. All I knew was that if Rachel leaned in any closer, I'd lose it.

I managed a quick nod and she leaned back, though she kept her hand resting on top of mine. I turned my hand slightly so hers was cupped in mine. She didn't seem to mind that since she didn't pull her hand away. I smiled to myself, though I could feel my heart beating in my chest.

No, this was not okay. I didn't get like this around girls. The only girl who caused me to act like this was Quinn Fabray, and Beth was the result of those feelings.

I bit my bottom lip, raking a hand through my hair. How the hell did my body know I liked her when my brain didn't? Nothing made sense when it came to Rachel, something I was slowly starting to realize. In two days, she'd managed to make me quit school, take her on a wild trip, and now she was making me fall for her.

Maybe it was just because I hadn't been with a girl in a while and she was the first one I'd spent any time with. Yes, that had to be it.

My body didn't seem to care about that thought, though. Sweat was falling from my forehead and my hands were trembling.

"Scared of flying?" I heard Rachel ask as her eyes searched my face.

"Uh, yeah," I lied. I hoped she bought it and didn't try to figure out why exactly I was acting the way I was.

"I used to be afraid too," she said, leaning her head on my shoulder in the most innocent way possible. Of course, her closeness just made me go more insane. Multiple situations ran through my mind, all of them involving her clothes strewn across the floor and me inside her.

I shook that from my mind instantly. This was not a way to get into her pants, this was me being a nice guy and helping a friend out. As long as I kept telling myself that, maybe it would be true.

We were in the air for a few hours, me trying to stop myself from pinning Rachel to the floor and kissing her like no one had kissed her before. Rachel remained oblivious to everything I was feeling. She slept with her head on my shoulder for most of the flight.

I felt the plane drop a bit as we began the landing process. Rachel stirred slightly, yawning as she sat up. I saw her face go a bit red when she realized she'd fallen asleep on me, but I gave her a small smile, which seemed to make her feel a bit better about the whole thing. "We almost there?" she asked, combing her fingers through her hair.

"We're landing right now, I think," I said, looking out the window. All I could see was the water surrounding the entire island, making me grin. A few days in the sun was the perfect way to start this insane idea of hers.

The plane landed on the small runway as the pilot hit the brakes, eventually coming to a stop. I grabbed our bags before helping Rachel to her feet. I looked down at her before looking away.

Rachel seemed to frown at that. Great, now she probably thought I didn't want to be here with her or something. Well, maybe that was better than her thinking I was some kind of sex maniac who just wanted to fuck her.

The doors opened and a staircase lowered to let us off the plane. I walked out first, carrying both our suitcases with me.

Rachel followed behind, looking around the whole time. I figured she was trying to figure out where we were.

"Rachel, welcome to Bermuda," I laughed, grinning at her.


	4. Complicated

**AN: Thanks again to everyone who reviewed or just read this story. You're all amazing! Also sorry for the delay**

***Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own **_**Glee**_*****

_Rachel_

Bermuda? What on earth were we doing in Bermuda? I couldn't remember mentioning to Noah that I wanted to visit Bermuda—it wasn't even on my list. Maybe it was a bad idea to let him plan things.

Noah seemed to sense my confusion. He took my arm, leading me towards a car parked close to where we had exited the plane.

"Don't worry, this is on the few parts of your list you told me, I promise," he said, pulling open the door to the back of the car. Noah took my arm, helping me in. I won't lie—my cheeks darkened a bit when he touched me.

"Are you sure?" I teased. "I mean, you're not known for paying attention."

Noah rolled his eyes at me, buckling his seatbelt as the car pulled out, heading towards wherever we were staying. "I can do something right every once in a while," he said, putting his hands behind his head as he leaned back in the seat.

I turned and looked out the window, watching as we drove through the city. It was all so different. I'd never spent any time on an island, so even the palm trees were a new sight to me.

Noah seemed to be amused by my reactions. I could hear him chuckling behind me as I pressed my face against the window. My eyes scanning everything we passed.

I could see the beaches, as well as a town we drove through with shops and restaurants. I'd have to convince Noah to take me there one day—assuming we had enough time. I still had no idea how long we were going to be here for.

A kid—he didn't look older than fifteen—drove by us on a motor scooter. After looking through the window and spotting us, he grinned, speeding up a bit. I gasped as he tilted the scooter back on one wheel.

"Don't worry," the driver said, shaking his head a bit. "He's just doing that to show off. Kids down here drive like that all the time when they're showing off for their friends or pretty girls."

Noah let out a small laugh. "Looks fun."

"Don't even think about it," I murmured, turning my head towards him. "You're the one who has to get me home. I refuse to fly back with you after you crack your skull open."

Noah pouted, poking me in the side playfully. "You're no fun."

"So, you two down here for vacation?" the driver asked us.

Noah nodded his head. "Yeah, just needed a small break, you know?"

"Ah, I understand. Everyone needs that once in a while. Ever been to Bermuda before?"

I shook my head. "Never, though I've always wanted to come."

"Well, it's a great place. You and your boyfriend are going to love it."

I froze. Boyfriend? Wait, did he think Noah and I were dating?

"Just friends," Noah corrected instantly, his face a light pink. I turned my head away, my face on fire.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed…"

"Don't worry about it. It's an easy mistake to make," I heard Noah tell the driver as I kept my face away from him. I scooted to the side, slightly away from Noah as the cab pulled into a long drive way.

The car came to a stop in front of a large hotel. I had no idea how Noah was supposed to be affording this, but I decided not to ask any questions for now. I'd find out later…maybe.

My door opened and Noah took my hand, helping me out. I brushed some of my hair into my face as I felt heat rise to my cheeks. Noah took both our bags, carrying them into the hotel.

I paid the driver, thanking him for the ride. He tipped his cap towards me before helping a couple into his car and driving off.

I walked into the hotel, smiling as I was hit with a cold burst of air, a refreshing change from the heat I felt exiting the car. Bermuda was beautiful, but it was hot—much hotter than Ohio was when we left.

I glanced over at Noah, seeing him standing by the large staircase, talking to a moderately tall girl with blonde hair. I caught a glimpse of her face and recognized her right away.

"Rachie!" I heard Brittany squeal, running towards me. I'd never been close with Brittany when we were in school together, but I supposed there was something about seeing someone you used to know after a few years. She leaned down and hugged me, chattering on about something.

I couldn't really understand her, she was talking so fast. All I could understand was that my left leg was buckling and I was about to fall on the ground.

I quickly grabbed onto Brittany, hugging her back in an attempt to hold myself up. Brittany smiled before letting go of me. I'd managed to stabilize myself by grabbing onto the wall for support, so when she let me go, I managed to remain on my feet.

Noah walked over to us, an amused look on his face. Clearly, he'd planned this trip with Brittany. She had to be the friend he'd referred to back in Ohio.

"Rachel, I can't believe you actually came!" Brittany gushed, standing beside Noah. It was then I noticed what she had on. She was dressed in a blue wetsuit, the image of a dolphin on it. I thought I saw the words 'Dolphin World' on it as well, but I couldn't tell.

I gave her a smile, shrugging my shoulders slightly. "I've got nothing better to do with my time," I joked. Yes, nothing better to do than watch myself die slowly.

"Yeah, Puck said you dropped out of school," she said, though thankfully didn't press the matter further. I knew at some point I'd have to come clean to people about my rash decision to leave New York and head back to Ohio. After all, that decision was so out of character for me. I just wasn't ready yet. I didn't want people to think of me as the girl who was dying, to pity me and be nice to me because they knew I didn't have much time left. I wanted people to act around me the same way they always did.

Though, people would eventually figure out the truth when things got bad. I knew that time was coming, I just didn't know when.

I turned my attention back to Brittany, who was still talking at a mile a minute. She was now talking about how she hadn't spoken to Santana since they had broken up. I nodded my head ever so often, but my mind was so far from the conversation that it took me a few seconds to realize Brittany had asked me a question.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, looking at her with a confused expression.

"I was saying how Puck blackmailed me into blocking off all our appointments for tomorrow morning so you two have the entire place to yourselves. What do you think?" she asked.

"What place?" I asked, having no idea what she was talking about.

Brittany gave Noah a look. "So you drag her down here and don't bother to tell her why?" she asked, sounding slightly amused. I wasn't. It seemed that I was the only one who was out of the loop.

"I wanted it to be a surprise!" he said defensively. "I thought that would make it more fun for her."

I held up my hands before the two of them could start arguing. "Can one of you just please tell me what is going on and why we're here before I lose my mind?" I said, sounding slightly dramatic.

Brittany laughed. "Good to see you haven't changed much," she teased. "I work with a company that lets people swim with dolphins. Tomorrow, you and Puck have the place to yourselves for a few hours."

"Yeah, because you said that was on your list," Noah said, rubbing the back of his neck like he was embarrassed.

I was stunned. No one had ever gone to this much trouble to do something nice for me. Even Finn had never done something of this level, and we had dated for a few years.

I felt my face heat up as I compared Noah to my ex-boyfriend like he was my current boyfriend. No, he wasn't. He was just a guy I knew in high school who was doing something nice for the dying girl he didn't know was dying. I shouldn't read too much into it.

"You guys are already checked in—I took care of that for you earlier," Brittany was telling Puck. She handed him an envelope which I assumed contained our room keys. I wasn't sure how that was working—did Noah get one room or two rooms? And if we were sharing, did that mean he was expecting to get lucky? I flushed at that thought, imagining his body without a shirt—

No, stop that.

I couldn't think about him that way. Sure, Noah was very attractive. Plus, he was Jewish. But he was the one person who was willing to spend time with me and take me on some misguided, crazy adventure. I wasn't going to screw everything up by deciding I was in love with him. Besides, if we were to become involved, things would just end badly for him when this disease finally killed me.

Brittany watched us walk to the elevator, waving as she headed back outside to where I assumed she worked. Noah carried both my bag and his, stepping onto the elevator before pressing the button for the tenth floor. "We have two rooms," he explained as the elevator climbed higher and higher. "I thought you'd want your own privacy."

"Noah, this is all so much," I said, unable to think of how else to put it. "I mean, you didn't have to go to all this trouble."

"It's not any trouble at all," he said, reassuring me. "Brittany figured everything out—we flew here on the hotel's plane, and they're not charging us for the rooms. We just pay for food and anything else we decide to buy while we're here. Relax, Rach. Everything's going to be fine," he promised.

The door opened and Noah led me towards one of the rooms. He placed the card into the door. The little light by the handle turned green, and Noah opened the door, carrying my bag into the room with him. I followed behind, looking around.

There was a large bed in the middle of the room stacked with pillows. The bathroom was off to the side which I assumed was very nice. What caught my attention was the balcony with a view of the ocean.

It was so beautiful. I'd never stayed been somewhere where you could see the ocean right from your room. I walked over, pulling open the door and walking onto the balcony, staring out at the ocean in front of my eyes.

I was so drawn in by it that I didn't realize Noah had followed me until he put a hand on my shoulders. I turned towards him, a smile on my face.

"Thank you," I murmured, not knowing how else to express my gratitude towards him for this.

"You should thank Brittany. She set everything up. Though, the ocean view was my idea," he chuckled, his hand moving down so it was resting on my bare forearm.

I knew things were starting to become more complicated. I'd always felt something for Noah back in high school, and those feelings hadn't disappeared over the years. He'd always stuck up for me—probably because I was the hottest Jew girl he knew—and that was something I'd always appreciated. Instead of wanting me to change to become like everyone else, he accepted me the way I was, unlike Finn who always wanted me to act like everyone else.

I didn't know how Noah felt about me, but I honestly didn't want to know. If he had feelings for me, I'd have to stop all this. I couldn't let him fall in love with me. It wasn't fair to him.

We stood there for a few minutes, looking at each other without saying a word. I could feel the spark passing between us, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to pull away, but I had to before he tried something stupid like kissing me.

I turned my head to the side, pulling away from his gaze. That seemed to make him realize where he was. Noah pulled his hand off me, his cheeks pink. "Um, I guess I should go check out my room," he muttered, picking up his bag and walking out the room without another word to me.

I bit my lip, watching him leave. I don't know if he was disappointed because I'd pulled away or embarrassed he'd gotten into that scenario in the first place. Whatever he was feeling, I decided not to think about it. I was in Bermuda! I had to enjoy it.

**Eek, sorry this is so short and sorry for my absence. I've been really busy, but hopefully I'm back now. Please review :D**


	5. Domino

**AN: Soooooo sorry for my disappearance. I just got busy then kind of lost my inspiration for this story. But it has returned! School's started up again, but I plan on trying to get at least a chapter out a week—you're welcome to nag me if I don't.**

***Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own **_**Glee**_*****

_Noah_

I was awoken by my phone alarm early the next morning. I had the desire to throw it against the wall, but then figured I didn't have enough money to just buy myself a new iPhone. Instead, I silenced the alarm, climbing out of bed.

It really wasn't _that_ early—eight in the morning. However, since I was used to getting up closer to ten, it was early for me.

I had a good reason to be up early today, though—Rachel and I were going swimming with dolphins from nine until noon. Brittany had promised she was going to make this memorable for Rachel—I was praying she followed through.

Rachel and I had eaten at the hotel the previous night, reminiscing about high school and noting how we'd changed since then. Rachel wasn't as big of a pain in the ass that she used to be, and I wasn't as much of a dumb ass.

I watched her the whole time, trying to figure out what it was about her that was off. She had the same laugh and smile, but it never met her eyes.

The Rachel Berry back in high school had this amazing smile and infectious laugh that made you want to smile as well. And when she smiled, you could tell she meant it. Her eyes would light up and you could just feel the joy radiating from her body.

That was gone now. Her laugh would fall limp, as if her heart really wasn't in it anymore.

What had happened to this girl to make her this way?

I'd walked Rachel back to her room, promising to fetch her by eight-thirty so we could grab a quick breakfast before meeting up with Brittany. She seemed excited about the dolphin adventure, and for a moment, I saw the spark in her eyes return before it disappeared once more.

I spent all night up in bed, trying to figure out what it was about Rachel that made me give up my entire life to help her with some crazy bucket list.

It wasn't that we were friends—we weren't. It wasn't that I had nothing better to do—I quit school to do this with her.

Around two in the morning, as sleep started to overtake me, Rachel's face floated into my mind, and that's when it hit me.

It was her. She was the reason I was doing this. Somewhere in her life, she'd lost sight of something, and the joy she used to possess had disappeared. She was in pain, though it might not be obvious to a lot of people.

It was obvious to me.

I never cared much about seeing people in pain—in high school, I used to cause it on a daily basis. I even threw a slushie or two in Rachel's face over the years. But I was more mature than I was at seventeen, and I didn't want to see someone as good and pure as Rachel Berry in pain.

And maybe, deep down inside me, there was that part of me that wanted to spend more time with her, to really get to know Rachel. To see what I'd missed out on in high school when I'd been too blind to notice her.

I'd been busy chasing Quinn Fabray and Santana Lopez that I'd hardly noticed her. There was that one week we dated, but I'd forgotten about her as soon as it was over.

Now, she was all I thought about. Her father's words crept into my mind, and I wondered once more if this was some elaborate ploy to get into her pants.

If I was being honest, the only reason I was thinking about her in my bed was because her father had brought it up. It's not that I don't think about sex, it's just not the only thing on my mind anymore.

I pulled on a pair of swim trunks, grabbing a muscle tank and pulled it over my head. I found my flip flops and slid them onto my feet. I remembered to grab my wallet, throwing it in a Ziplock bag and shoved it into my pocket. The last thing I grabbed was my room key before I was out the door and heading next door to rouse Rachel.

When I knocked on her door, she answered immediately—Rachel always struck me as one of those people who got up at the crack of dawn and was wide awake.

She was already dressed, her bathing suit covered by a simple yellow sundress. She had her hair pulled back and a pair of brown and white flip flops on her feet.

The slight tan she had really showed with the yellow of the dress. I could hardly take my eyes off her, thought I knew that was bad. She was trusting me right now not to make a move on her. I'd promised to take her around and help her finish her list. I wasn't about to fuck that up.

Struggling, I pulled my eyes away from her and pointed towards the elevator. "Let's head down and get some breakfast so we don't attempt to eat the dolphins," I joked.

Rachel let out a small laugh and nodded her head, following behind me. I chanced a look back at her and was struck by how sad she looked. You'd have never guessed she was about to cross one of her dreams off the list. I wanted to ask her why she was so sad, but I'd promised I'd let her tell me when she was ready.

"So, how'd you sleep?" I asked, trying to draw her into a conversation instead of letting her stew on whatever was upsetting her.

"Fine," she answered, her eyes meeting mine for a moment. "The room was very nice. We'll have to thank Brittany for everything before we leave," she said, and I imagined her making a mental note in that jumbled up brain of hers.

I wished I could read minds so I could figure out what was going on inside Rachel's. She was so beautiful yet so sad at the same time. She was trying to make people think she was fine, but it wasn't fooling me.

We climbed onto the elevator and shared a silent ride down to the first floor. I was almost at the point of begging her to tell me what was going on with her, but I resisted. Begging was not an attractive quality.

Rachel and I made our way into the restaurant for breakfast, finding a buffet set up with eggs, bacon, and everything else you could imagine for breakfast.

We both headed over, filling out plates with food. I found us an empty table, taking a seat. A waitress came over, bringing two glasses of orange juice.

I watched Rachel from where I sat, utterly confused at this point. She was slowly putting fruit on her plate, piece by piece. It was as if she was afraid she'd drop it if she moved any faster.

Once she had a small amount of fruit, she headed towards me, but I was again fascinated by how slowly she moved. Ever since the funeral, she'd been moving slow with a slight tremor, like she was going to faint at any moment.

I jumped to my feet, heading over to her. I took the plate from her hands, smiling down at her. "Here, I got that for you," I told her, placing it on the table before extending my arm to help her to her seat.

Rachel swatted my hand away, sitting down on her own without my help. "I can sit in a chair myself, Noah. I'm not some helpless old lady."

Ouch, sounded like I'd hit a nerve offering her help.

I thought back to Burt's funeral and recalled her one father helping her up to the podium to sing. She hadn't been able to make the few steps up there, just like she could hardly manage to walk from the buffet table to her seat. How was she going to manage swimming with dolphins for three hours?

"Hey, are you feeling alright?" I asked her. "Because if you're not, we don't have to do this. We can do anything you want."

"Scared, Puckerman?" she teased. "Afraid to swim with a few silly dolphins?"

I narrowed my eyes at her remarks. "For your information, Berry, I could swim circles around those dolphins. I was just making sure you weren't chickening out. We both know how delicate you are."

"It's on my list. Why would I put something I was scared of on my list?" she asked. She had a point there. I knew she wasn't scared—I just wanted to make sure she could handle swimming in the water for that long.

Once we'd finished eating, I got up, watching Rachel struggle to get out of her seat. She eventually managed to do it, but had to grab my arm as she became unstable on her feet.

I put an arm around her, which seemed to help her. It sent my body into overdrive, however. She was so close to me. Her head was slightly leaning against my side as she tried to regain her balance. I couldn't think with her this close.

I wanted to kiss her. And, if Brittany hadn't walked in and told us to get our butts down to the cove, I might have.

Instead, I helped Rachel out of the restaurant for fear of Brittany's wrath. Rachel kept going on and on how all she was nervous that the dolphins weren't going to like her and were going to refuse to play with her.

I told her how ridiculous she was being and to shut up before she gave me an aneurysm from her annoying voice. That made her fall silent, and I instantly felt bad.

The truth was I couldn't think with her talking when she was this close to me. I didn't know what I was going to do if all I could think about was her lips on mine when I was around her.

When we reached the cove, Rachel still hadn't spoken to me. Brittany gestured us over to where the life vests were, and Rachel started heading in that direction.

I reached out and grabbed her arm, forcing her to turn and face me.

"Look," I said. "I'm sorry about before. I was being a jerk. I was just tired and I took it out on you for no reason. Friends?"

Rachel seemed to think it over in her head before she nodded. "Yeah, friends," she agreed before the two of us walked over to Brittany.

Brittany and Matt, her assistant, fitted us with life vests before leading us over to the edge of the water. Matt climbed in first and helped Rachel in. I couldn't help but feel a small bit of jealousy as I watched his hands linger on her waist for a moment longer than necessary.

I jumped in after, forcing Matt to let go of her and cover his face to avoid being splashed.

"Noah, you oaf," Rachel complained. "Was that really necessary?"

"No," I replied. "But it was fun. And this is a vacation—you're supposed to be having fun."

Rachel gave me a look and rolled her eyes, though looked in the opposite direction as she saw three fins approaching us.

Three dolphins—two adult, one baby—were swimming toward us, attracted by the noise. The one swam past Rachel and she let out a small shriek as its fin brushed against her leg.

The baby dolphin swam by me and I just laughed, reaching a hand into the water to pet it as it swam by. Brittany blew a whistle and the dolphins stopped, sticking their heads out of the water and cocked them to the side.

"Rachel," she said, turning her attention to us. "Go swim out a little and put your hands out like this." She held her hands out on either side of her like you would if you were showing how long something was.

Rachel did as she was told, treading water as she put her arms out. Brittany blew the whistle again and one of the larger dolphins swam over to Rachel, popping out of the water and placing his two fins in her hands.

Rachel seemed surprised but managed not to shriek this time—I figured she was afraid of startling the dolphin. "Go ahead and dance with him!" Brittany called, turning on some music.

The dolphin seemed to know the routine because he started moving his body to the music. Rachel laughed, mimicking his movements. Brittany blew the whistle once more and the dolphin returned to the other two, leaving Rachel alone.

Rachel swam back over to us, and I was delighted to see her smile was actually reaching her eyes instead of being the superficial ones I was used to seeing from her lately.

Now it was my turn. I swam out and cupped my hands in front of me as I was told. One of the dolphins swan up to me, putting his nose in my hands. Brittany instructed me to kiss him, so I did exactly that.

The dolphin let out a click, which I assumed meant it was happy, then returned back to the group as I did the same.

The rest of the morning was spent swimming in the cove with the dolphins. At one point, Matt let Rachel grab onto the largest dolphin's dorsal fin and we watched as she saw around with her. She kept laughing and smiling, something that didn't stop even when our time was up.

I helped Rachel out of the water before walking over to Brittany to thank her, leaving Rachel with Matt.

"Brittany, thanks so much for this. It means the world to me."

"It was nothing," she said, giving me a warm smile. "She looks like she had so much fun."

I turned my eyes over to Rachel where Matt was helping her out of her life vest. I smiled as she wrung her hair out before looking back at Brittany. "Yeah, I think she did," I said, a small bit of affection in my voice.

Brittany must have noticed it. "What's going on with you two?" she asked, eyeing me suspiciously. "Are you trying to get in her pants or something?"

Was that what people thought of me? That I only did nice things for someone so I could sleep with them?

"No, of course not," I said defensively. "Brittany, you haven't been there. You didn't see what she was like before she came here. She's so thin, and I know something's wrong, but she refuses to say what. And then this morning, she looked so sad walking to the elevator. I just want her to be happy."

"You care about her," Brittany said. It wasn't meant to make fun or be accusing. It was just an observation.

"Yeah, I do," I admitted. "More than I should, really. It's a mess. I can't think when she's around me, and my body goes into overdrive every time she touches me. I don't know what it is about her."

"She's special," Brittany said. "She's not like other girls. There's something about her that makes her stand out from the crowd, but in a good way. I'm rooting for you. Don't screw it up," Brittany joked before patting my arm and walking away.

I walked over to Rachel, slipping my life vest off. She already had her sundress back on, but I could see the areas where her wet swim suit had soaked the fabric.

"Ready to head in?" I asked.

Rachel nodded, biting her lip. She looked like she was about to burst with excitement.

"Something happen?" I asked.

"Matt invited us to a party tonight!" she squealed. "Well, it's just a bunch of people from the hotel at a karaoke bar tonight, but he said we should come since we're Brittany's friends, and I really want to go Noah. Please?" she begged.

I knew exactly why Matt invited her, and it wasn't because she was Brittany's friend. That was just his excuse.

But this trip was about her, not me. So I nodded my head and agreed to go to the party with her. We walked back to the hotel and Rachel kept talking about the dolphins. Luckily, Brittany had taken pictures for us, which she promised to drop off with me before we left for Ohio.

I dropped Rachel at her room and said I'd be at the pool for a bit before we headed out later that night. She said she was feeling a bit tired and was going to lie down for a while.

I watched her shut the door, then headed down to the pool, Rachel on my mind. I swam around for an hour, unable to get Rachel out of my head.

Maybe Brittany was right. Maybe she was special and that's why I couldn't stop thinking about her. But that wasn't just it. One word was buzzing around my head, but I didn't want to think about it. It wasn't true, so I was just going to forget I even thought about it.

I climbed out of the pool and headed back to my room, showering and getting ready for the night.

Normally, I wouldn't put an effort into how I looked, but I wanted to maybe impress Rachel a little. I pulled on a pair of nicer shorts with a short sleeved button up. I even put on a dab of cologne. Not a lot, just a little to make me smell nice.

I headed over to Rachel's room, knocking on her door.

She answered and it was everything I could do to stop my jaw from dropping to the floor. She was in a strapless dress that fell mid-thigh. The top part was a fitted corset-like top that was a tan color lighter than her skin. The skirt was dark and flowy—it looked like it was silk.

She had on a pair of tan sandals with a matching bag. She had on gold hoops with gold bangles on her wrist.

She was stunning.

"You look beautiful," I managed, my voice a bit strained. Rachel blushed, turning her face a little to the side as if she were embarrassed.

I placed an arm around her shoulders, leading her from her room and to the elevator. According to Brittany, this place wasn't very far—a two minute walk from the hotel, actually.

I followed her directions, leading Rachel and I there. We walked in, finding the place full with hotel employees. Brittany was on stage belting out a version of _We Found Love _by Rihanna while every male in the place watched with hungry eyes.

Matt came up to us, a beer in his hands. "You made it!" he laughed, wrapping an arm around Rachel, pulling her into a hug. I felt my fists clenching before reminding myself he had every right to do that. Rachel wasn't my property or even my girlfriend. She was just a friend.

_Just a friend._

Matt and Rachel fell into a conversation as he led her away from me and over to the bar, buying her a drink. I fell back, unsure of what to do. Brittany had finished the song and was making her way over to me, sweat falling from her brow.

"Looks like you still got it, Pierce," I laughed, shoving her lightly in the shoulder.

"Shut it, Puckerman. Just because I'm not in glee club anymore doesn't mean I lost my ability to sing," she joked before she looked over at the bar where Matt was showing Rachel something that was making her laugh. "Well, that's interesting."

"What is?" I asked, staring at the two of them miserably.

"I thought he had a girlfriend, yet here he is clearly flirting up a storm with the lovely Miss Berry."

"Maybe they broke up," I muttered, ordering another beer as I finished the one in my hand.

"Oh stop throwing yourself a pity party," she laughed, smacking the side of my head gently. "They're just talking. "We both know nothing's going to happen. You two will leave tomorrow afternoon, and then you'll have her all to yourself as you attempt to show her you're not a fuck up and she should take a chance on you."

"You suck at giving pep talks, you know," I told her, though I was smiling. I watched Rachel whisper something in Matt's ear before leaving his side, making her way to the stage.

She said something to the pianist before climbing onto the stage and taking the microphone. The music to Jessie J's _Domino_ started playing as Rachel started singing.

_**I'm feeling sexy and free  
Like glitter's raining on me  
You're like a shot of pure gold  
I think I'm bout to**_**explode**

**I can taste the tension like a cloud of smoke in the air  
Now I'm breathing like I'm running cause you're taking me there  
Don't you know...you spin me out of control**

Rachel was laughing as she started jumping up and down before dancing on the stage. Her hips swiveled to the music, giving every straight guy in the place very naughty thoughts, myself included.

I wanted to get up there and dance with her. By the reactions of all the other guys there, I could tell they were thinking the same thing I was.

**Ooh ooh ooh ooh  
We can do this all night  
Turn this love skin tight  
Baby come on  
Ooh ooh ooh ooh  
Boomin' like a bass drum  
Sparkin' up a rhythm  
Baby, come on!**

**Ooh ooh ooh ooh  
**_**Rock my world until the sunlight  
Make this dream the best I've ever known  
**_**Dirty dancing in the moonlight  
Take me down like I'm a domino**

Rachel was really into the song know, her dark hair whipping around her face as she spun in a circle. Her hands were in the air as she kicked her leg up and—

It happened instantly. One minute she was dancing. Then she was falling. Rachel landed on her back and I heard everyone in the place gasp.

I sprinted for the stage, kneeling at her side. Matt was on her other side, both of us attempting to revive her.

Rachel opened her eyes and let out a groan. "Ow, that hurt," she complained, but I could see the smile still on her face.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and leaned back a little. She just fell—she was okay.

Matt helped Rachel to her feet and everyone applauded, asking for an encore.

Rachel shook her head. "No, I think I'm all kareoked out," she laughed, letting Matt lead her off stage, where I watched him bend down and plant a kiss on her lips.

Rachel looked stunned before she kissed him back.

That was it. There was only so much a guy could take. As their kiss turned into a make out session, I headed for the door, deciding my hotel room was a better place to be than a bar where Rachel was kissing some guy who may or may not have a girlfriend.

When I made it back inside, it dawned on me that I should have told Rachel I was leaving. Not that she would have cared—she was too wrapped up in Matt.

I flung my clothes off, pulling on a pair of sweat pants and climbed into bed. I was ready to go to sleep, but I was too mad to fall asleep.

Instead, I laid in bed for hours, watching TV. Nothing was on, but it was the only distraction I had,

It didn't help. My mind kept going back to Rachel kissing Matt. Her lips against his. His hands on her waist. His—

A knock at the door stopped my train of thought. Who the hell was at my door at two in the morning? I decided to ignore them, pretend I was asleep.

"Noah?" Rachel said softly. "Are you awake? Please, it's important. I need your help."


	6. Kiss Me

**AN: Thank you everyone who has reviewed/favorite/alerted this story. I've been enjoying writing this story, so your reviews help me know what I'm doing right as well as what you'd like me to change. And don't worry, Puck will be finding out about Rachel's illness soon—just not yet! **

***Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own **_**Glee**_*****

_Rachel_

"_Noah? Are you awake? Please, it's important. I need your help."_

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew it was a mistake. I should have found someone—anyone except Puck.

I had a washcloth pressed against my forehead, trying to stop the wound from bleeding. I'd left Matt at the bar after Brittany came up to me, informing me that Puck had left.

Matt wasn't even that good of a kisser. I suppose I was just caught up in the moment. Besides, I saw him take a call from his girlfriend when Brittany came over to me. I only knew it was a girlfriend because he called her 'Baby'.

What an asshole.

I was planning on heading straight back to apologize to Noah, but I didn't know what to say. 'Sorry for being a bitch and making out with a guy right in front of you' didn't sound right.

Plus, there was nothing for me to apologize for. Puck and I weren't together. We were just friends taking a vacation together. He hadn't made a move on me. We'd only come close to kissing once. He hadn't even attempted to ask if I was interested in him.

Then why did I feel so guilty?

Maybe because Noah was the one person who had been nice to me, even when I was being difficult. Sure, he used to throw grape slushies into my face, but he stopped when he actually got to know me. He never tried to force me to change who I was. In fact, he tended to embrace my differences. He didn't ask me to conform—he liked me standing out from the crowd.

So the fact that I'd hurt him made me feel even worse.

I walked the beach alone for a while, thinking everything over. I did like Noah. A lot, actually. I just didn't want to have him fall for me when I knew I wasn't going to be around much longer.

Though, it appeared that I was too late to stop that from happening. From what Brittany said, Noah had already fallen.

"_Rachie, you're killing him," Brittany said, pulling me away from Matt's embrace. _

"_Killing who? Matt?" I asked, looking back at the attractive man I had just been kissing. If I played my cards right, I could cross another thing off my list tonight._

"_No. Puck. He left a few minutes ago after he saw you swapping spit with Matt."_

"_Why would that be killing him?" I asked, not getting the point. "We're just friends. I can kiss a guy if I want to."_

"_Maybe that's what you think, but you're so much more to Puck. He's fallen, Rach. He's fallen hard, and you kissing other guys is just making it worse. He doesn't want to put you in the awkward position of having to choose to be his friend or be something more, but he also doesn't want to escort you all over the world and watch you kiss strangers."_

"_I didn't know," I whispered. "I didn't realize it. I never thought—"_

"_I know you didn't, Rachie. You're too innocent and naïve to pick up on that stuff. But it's the truth. Puck doesn't understand how or why, but he's fallen hard for you."_

_I shifted uncomfortably where I stood, not wanting to talk about this, especially when my feelings for Puck were so complicated already. _

"_It doesn't make any sense. I haven't done anything to make him fall for me."_

"_Maybe not intentionally, Rach. But you have. Somehow, you've made him fall for you. You've got to do something about it. Either call this whole thing off or figure out how you feel about him and tell him."_

_I shook my head. "I can't call this off. This is all I have left going for me."_

_Brittany gestured for me to follow her outside, so I did. Someone was singing a horrible rendition of 'Beautiful' by Christina Aguilera inside the bar, but luckily the walls muffled it so my ears didn't bleed too much._

"_Rach, what's going on?" Brittany asked, placing a hand on my arm. "Puck was mentioning something about being worried. And you quit school and no one knows why. Now you're checking things off a list like you're dying…"_

_I took a deep breath and nodded my head. "I am," I whispered. "I'm dying. There's nothing more they can do for me."_

_Brittany gasped, taking my hand in hers. "No," she said, shaking her head. "No, that can't be true. You're young, you're beautiful, you have your whole life ahead of you. You can't be dying. Please tell me you're joking," she begged._

_I shook my head. "I have ALS. I found out the beginning of my sophomore year at NYADA. They don't know how long I have left—no more than two years, though."_

_Brittany pulled me close, hugging me tightly. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know," she whispered, tears falling down her face. "Is there anything I can do?"_

_I nodded my head. "Yes. Don't tell Noah."_

I walked along the beach for a few hours, not ready to go back to the hotel. I wanted to run to Noah and tell him everything: how I felt, why I left school, how long I had left.

But I couldn't. He'd already fallen, and I knew once he found out what was wrong with me, he'd spend what little time I had left treating me like the sick girl, the dying girl, the girl who needed to be saved.

I didn't want to be saved. I'd come to terms with my fate. Nothing the doctors did was going to stop what was going to happen to me. Nothing they did was going to help it.

After a while, I got tired and decided to head in. It was walking up the deck when I felt my legs getting weak. I slipped and fell, hitting my head on the railing. Some blood fell from the deep gash and dripped down my face.

That's how I ended up at Noah's with a washcloth pressed against my forehead. At first, I thought he wasn't going to answer the door, but then I heard a thud as he climbed out of bed. There was a slide as he undid the chain and the door was pulled open.

I think at first he was planning on giving me a piece of his mind, but changed his mind as he took in my appearance. My hands were scraped up from attempting to break my fall and my shirt was slightly ruffled. But probably the most alarming was the washcloth pressed to my face with streaks of blood staining my cheeks.

"Oh Jesus Christ," he muttered, opening the door a little wider to let me in. I walked in, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. "What happened?"

"I fell," I murmured, looking at the ground. "I was walking in from the beach and I—I tripped. It was an accident. Can you help me stop the bleeding?"

Noah took a seat next to me, turning my face towards him. He turned it a little so he could get a good look at the gash on my forehead. He used the bloody washcloth to wipe away some of the blood.

He got up at one point, calling down to the front desk for a first aid kit, which they brought up right away. He wet the washcloth, using it to clean the blood off my face before bandaging up my forehead.

"There," he said, pulling his hands away. "Perfect."

I reached a hand up, running my fingers over the bandage, wincing in pain—it still hurt.

"Thanks," I mumbled, still refusing to meet his eyes. I knew the questions were coming—the questions I wasn't ready to answer.

"Rachel—"

"Stop," I ordered, holding a hand up. "You promised to wait until I was ready to tell you. I'm not ready, Noah. Not yet. So you just have to believe me when I say I fell walking back from the beach. It's the truth, but that's all I can tell you now."

He looked like he wanted to press me further, get more information from me, but stopped. He nodded his head once. "You're right," he said, staring at his hands in his lap. "I did promise."

I chewed on my lip, reaching over to take one of his hands in mine. He seemed to freeze before allowing me to take his hand, holding onto mine gently.

He looked up, his hazel eyes meeting my brown ones. That spark I'd been feeling every time I was alone with him returned. I couldn't pull my eyes away from his.

Noah laced his fingers with mine, causing my cheeks to heat up. The fact that we were alone in a dark hotel room wasn't helping things right now.

I don't know what made me do it. Maybe it was the relief of finally telling someone what was going on or the knowledge that Noah cared about me. I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his.

Noah paused, trying to determine if this was a test or not. When he realized I wasn't about to pull away, he kissed me back. Gentle at first, then with more enthusiasm.

He freed his hand from mind, wrapping his arm around my small body, his hand running up and down my back. I reached a hand up, placing it on his cheek as I pulled his face closer to mine.

Noah gently laid me back on his bed, never pulling his lips away from mine except to get a breath of air. His body hovered over mine as he continued kissing me.

My hair was all around my face as he continued kissing me, his lips moving away from mine and to the side of my throat. I was about to complain, but the feel of his lips trailing over my skin felt wonderful.

I reached my hands up, slowly undoing the buttons of his shirt until his chest was exposed. I ran my hands over his skin, marveling at the sight.

My hands paused at his waist, tracing a line along his shorts. He stopped his attack on my neck, looking down at me.

"Rachel," he whispered, reaching a hand to my face as he brushed the hair out of my eyes.

I shook my head, pulling the button to his shorts open. "Don't stop."

I sat up, unzipping the side of my dress, shimming out of the top of it. Noah pulled me to my feet, allowing me to step out of the garment. I looked at it on the floor before Noah's arms were around me again, his shorts forgotten on the floor.

He helped me onto his bed, lying me back. The fluffy pillows surrounded my body as Noah crawled towards me. He knelt over me, a leg on either side of my body as he slowly ran his hands over my body, stopping as he reached my breasts.

I sat up a bit, reaching behind me to unclasp my bra, letting it fall off my body. He stared down at me as if I was the most beautiful girl in the world.

I reached my hands up, wrapping my arms around his neck as I pulled him back to me. His lips found mine and we fell into the bed, our arms and legs tangled with one another.

His hands found my uncovered breasts, squeezing them gently as his lips once again moved to my neck. I let out a small gasp as his lips left my neck, moving down to my chest. He kissed across the skin until he reached my left breast. He kissed around the edges until he reached the top, taking the whole breast in his mouth.

My hips lifted off the bed, a moan coming from my lips. Noah's tongue raked across the nipple as I ran my fingers down his back, digging in too deep at one point.

I could feel the growing bulge in Noah's boxers pressing against my thigh. I reached down into his boxers, grabbing him.

That caused him to let out a groan, his eyes meeting mine for a moment. He pulled away for a moment, reaching into the bedside table for something as I let out whines of impatience.

I saw him extract a singular foil package as he ripped it open. I nodded my head once, watching as he pulled his boxers off, tossing them to the floor.

While Noah rolled the condom onto himself, I moved my hands to my hips, sliding the panties down until they were around my ankles.

Noah pulled them completely off me, kissing my ankle as he did so. I watched him gingerly drop them onto the floor before stalking towards me once more.

He ran his hands up my legs, pausing at my thighs. He was staring down at me as he pushed my legs apart, exposing my most private area.

"Rach, are you sure?" he asked in a ragged breath. "We can stop this right now, no hard feelings."

"Noah, shut up," I said. That was all it took. Noah moved his hips closer to mine, pushing himself inside me in one quick movement.

My head tilted back against the bed, my hands balling into fists as I grabbed the sheet below me. Noah let out a loud groan, remaining still for a few moments. I started to move my hips against his, but he placed a hand on my stomach, trying to stop me.

"Rach, stop. Gotta stay still," he grunted before he was finally moving his hips. I let out a gasp as he moved deeper into me, his hands moving up to my chest, gripping it tightly.

I lifted my hips off the bed, changing my position slightly to allow him to move more inside me. I don't claim to be an excellent lover—the only other person I've ever slept with was Finn—but I have learned a few things from my time with him.

Noah moved his hands to my hips, stabilizing me as he moved in and out, his hips gently rocking against mine. He was trying to be gentle. Normally, I liked it a little rougher, but for the first time, this was perfect.

He reached one hand down, pleasuring me as he continued moving his hips into mine. There were so many sensations running through my body, I could hardly think. All I knew was that I liked this. I liked this a lot.

It wasn't just the sex. It was the person I was with. Not just because he was good in bed, but because I genuinely cared for him.

I wasn't thinking how this was going to complicate things or make things awkward—I just knew I wanted this right here and right now.

Noah's lips were on mine again, causing my brain to effectively stop functioning. I still felt him moving in and out of me, but my mind was now focused on his lips once more.

Beads of sweat were dripping down my face and my chest was rising and falling quickly. I reached my hands up, grabbing Noah's waist, pulling him more into me, letting out a loud moan as I did so. Noah pressed his body closer to mine, speeding up as I felt myself building.

One more thrust and I was over the edge. I was crying his name as I contracted around him. One, two, three and he came loudly, burying his face into my neck.

Once we had both come down from our high, Noah rolled off me, pulling out as he did so. He slid the condom off, tossing it in the garbage.

I rolled onto my side, facing him as he laid back down on the bed. I reached over, taking his hand in mine. He laced our fingers together instantly, pulling the covers over our naked bodies.

Noah didn't strike me as a cuddler, but then again, I didn't know his sexual habits. He reached an arm out, pulling me close to his body. His face was buried in my hair, kissing the top of my head.

"You're amazing," he whispered, his hand running up and down my back. "You're wonderful. You're beautiful. You're perfect."

Those words made my blood chill. This was bad. What seemed like a good idea at first I was now realizing was a mistake. I knew how he felt and now was giving him hope. There couldn't be any hope. I wasn't going to be around long enough for us to even have a real relationship.

But right now, I wasn't going to think about that. These were all things I could worry about in the morning. Right now, I was just going to enjoy sleeping in Noah's arms.


	7. Broken

**AN: Thank you everyone! I already know what the next thing on the list they're going to cross off is going to be, but if you have any ideas of things you'd like Rachel and Noah to do, I'd love to hear them (and possibly use them!) **

***Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own **_**Glee**_*****

_Noah_

When I woke up the next morning, Rachel was still asleep in my bed, her hands resting against my chest. I glanced down at her, seeing the bandage on her forehead from the night before.

I still didn't entirely buy her story about falling, but I wasn't going to question it for now. I had promised to let her tell me when she was ready, and I wasn't going to break that promise, no matter how curious I was.

Rachel let out a soft sigh, rolling over slightly as she stayed asleep.

The previous night's events ran through my head as if I was watching a movie. Rachel coming to my room, her head bleeding. Rachel kissing me. Rachel pulling me close to her. Rachel telling me it was okay.

I glanced on the floor, seeing our clothes from last night scattered all over the room. I would have been lying if I wasn't nervous for her reaction when she woke up. She didn't seem drunk to me, but she could have been. What if she regretted what happened last night? I knew there was no going back for me. I was too far in, especially after our night together.

I leaned on my left arm, running my right hand up and down her arm, watching as she slept. She looked so peaceful and beautiful at the same time. I wanted to pull her back into my arms, but I also didn't want to wake her up.

I didn't know what this meant. Were we together or was this just a one night kind of thing? Was she going to run out of my room as soon as she woke up and pretend it hadn't happened or were we going to talk about it? I knew I wouldn't find out until Rachel woke up, and that didn't appear to be happening anytime soon. We weren't due to check out for a few hours, so she still had some time to sleep left.

I decided I might as well shower and get dressed. It was a bit creepy to stare at a girl while she slept, even if you were a super strong vampire.

I headed into the bathroom, turning the water on. I decided to leave the door slightly open so Rachel would hear the water if she woke up. I didn't want her thinking I'd just left her—she might think I'd just used her for sex when the total opposite was true.

I stepped into the warm shower, letting out a content sigh as the water ran over my aching body. I winced as the water stung my back, reaching a hand behind and running my fingers over the raised scratch marks that were there.

Rachel hadn't seemed like she'd be wild in bed, but then I guess you learn something new about people every day.

I heard a shriek come from the room as I turned the water off. I stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist before making my way back into the room.

Rachel was sitting up in bed, the sheet gathered around her small body. She was frantically looking around, trying to figure out what was going on. She looked up as she spotted me, her cheeks going red. That was not the reaction I was hoping for the morning after.

I reached a hand back, rubbing the back of my neck as I looked at her. I wasn't sure what to say to Rachel. I could see the regret etched on her face. I could see her thinking over everything that happened last night. I could see—

"I know you like me," Rachel whispered.

"So that's why you slept with me?"

Rachel bit her lip, looking at me. She shook her head, running a hand through her messy hair. "No, I wanted to. I like you too, Noah. But this…whatever this is. It has to end now."

I felt my heart drop my from chest as she turned me down before I had a chance to even ask her out. "And why, Rachel? Is it so bad to be with me? I care about you. I would be so good to you. Why can't you be with me?"

"Because…" She paused, trying to think of something to say. "Because of Finn. He'd be so hurt if he found out about us. I can't do that to him." I heard the lie in her voice and saw it on her face.

"Liar. This has nothing to do with Finn and you know it. It has to do with whatever you're hiding. You keep saying you're not ready to tell me, but that's not true. You won't tell me because you're a coward."

Rachel's face went red from anger as she rose to her feet, the sheet wrapped around her body. She leapt to the floor, marching so she stood directly in front of me. "You listen to me, Noah Puckerman. You may think you have me all figured out, but you don't know one thing about me!" She was shouting now. "We're not even friends. We never were, and all of a sudden you think you know everything about me after spending two days together?"

"That's not what I—"

"No, you don't get to talk. I thought you wanted to do this with me out of the goodness of your heart. I should have known you had another agenda. You're Noah Puckerman, after all. You slept with almost everyone in our entire class. Of course you'd bring me to Bermuda. Make me think you were a good guy."

"I am a good guy, Rachel!" I yelled. "I've never done anything to make you think I'm a bad guy!" I defended. I never understood girls. They were more trouble than they were worth, even Rachel.

"Except trick me into sleeping with you. I can't believe I did that," she gasped, covering her face in humiliation.

"I didn't trick you into anything, Rachel! It was your idea. You came to me. You kissed me. It was your idea to sleep with me, not the other way around."

Rachel stayed silent, turning her head away from me. I shook my head, letting out a sigh before speaking again.

"Look, I need to get dressed. Why don't you meet me in the lobby in an hour? We'll head home and then you never have to see me again if you don't want to."

Rachel let out a huff before gathering her clothes up, heading back to her room without another word to me.

I sighed, changing into jeans and a tee shirt before shoving the rest of my clothes into my bag. I didn't get why Rachel was so against the idea of us. She admitted that she liked me, but she said we couldn't be together. I wanted to be with her. I did, but she refused.

I headed down to the lobby, pulling my suitcase behind me. I headed to the front desk to check out, not seeing Rachel anywhere.

I spotted Brittany over by the door, her usual smile absent. I waved her over and watched as she walked towards me. "Hey," she said, her voice low.

"Something wrong?" I asked, a little shocked. I'd never seen Brittany like this before. She was always smiling and laughing. She reminded me of how Rachel looked lately—sad.

"No, I'm fine," she said, giving the typical answer girls gave when they were falling apart inside but didn't want anyone to know.

"Britt," I said, my voice pressing. "You're not fine. What happened?"

"Look Puck, I don't want to talk about it," she snapped. "I just came to drop off the picture of you and Rachel from yesterday." At Rachel's name, I saw her lower lip quiver. She looked like she was about to break down and cry.

"Britt, you're not fine. Something's wrong. Just tell me so I can help."

She shook her head. "No. You can't help. Just drop it, Puckerman." She let out a sigh, putting a fake smile on her face. "Is Rachel on her way down? I want to say bye to her before you two head home."

I made a face as I remembered how pissed Rachel was at me for something I didn't even do. "I don't know. She flipped out at me this morning for no reason. I told her to meet me down here, but she's probably going to wait until the last minute so she doesn't have to spend any time with me."

Brittany narrowed her eyes at me. "What did you do to her?"

"Nothing!" I said defensively, wondering why Brittany was taking Rachel's side when she didn't even know what was going on. "She came to me last night with a cut on her head. After I fixed her up, she kissed me and we slept together, then this morning she flips out at me after telling me we can't happen. I mean, what the fuck."

"So you were making her feel guilty about her not wanting to date you and she flipped out? Sounds perfectly reasonable to me," she said coldly.

"Jesus, Brittany. You're not even listening. She was yelling at me when I didn't even do anything. It was like she was a completely different person from last night."

Brittany looked away deep in thought before turning back to me. "You have to give her time, Noah. She's having a rough life right now. Just give her space. She'll come around, but you need to let her do it on her own terms instead of trying to pressure her."

"I didn't—wait," I said, my eyes slits at this point. "She told you, didn't she? She told you what's going on with her."

"Yes, but don't even bother asking, Puckerman. I'm not telling you. I'll take her secret to my grave. It's her secret to tell, not mine. All I'm saying is cut her some slack. She has a lot on her plate and she doesn't need some asshole pressuring her about starting a relationship. Just be there for her when she needs it, okay?" Brittany kissed me on the cheek, patting my shoulder.

We looked up as Rachel walked in. Her eyes were red and puffy like she'd been crying, intantly making me feel bad. Brittany ran over to Rachel, taking the suitcase from her. The two girls looked at one another before Rachel initiated a hug, whispering something in Brittany's ear.

Brittany looked at her before nodding. I thought I saw her wipe away a tear but I wasn't sure. Brittany gave Rachel a kiss on the cheek and one more hug before waving to me, heading back to work.

I walked over to Rachel, taking her suitcase. I opened my mouth to say something, but Rachel raised her hand, cutting me off.

"Please don't ask if I'm okay. I'm sick of people asking me that. And don't chew me out over earlier. I'm sorry about that. I'm just—I haven't been myself lately, and I shouldn't have taken that out on you. You've been nothing but kind to me. Thank you." She stood on her toes, pressing her lips to my cheek.

"Hey, I'm used to it. I have a sister. You guys are like Jekyll and Hyde—I swear, girls have two different personalities," I joked, pointing to the front door of the hotel where a cab was waiting for us.

Rachel followed behind me, climbing into the back seat as I helped the driver load our luggage. When I climbed in, her head was leaning back against the seat. She looked exhausted.

I sat beside her, resting my arm around her shoulders. She didn't lean closer, but she didn't push me away either. I looked around as the driver pulled away from the hotel, Brittany's words on my mind. She made it sound like Rachel was depressed or something. Maybe she was—she always looked sad lately.

"Oh, I forgot," I said, forcing her to look at me. "Britt gave me some pictures from yesterday." I handed her the envelope. "Thought you might want to show your dads I was just trying to do something nice for you," I muttered, her father's warning coming back into my head. I had done exactly what he didn't want me to do.

I had done what everyone warned me not to. When I originally planned to take Rachel all around to check things off her list, sex had never crossed my mind, though it clearly crossed everyone else's. No one seemed to think I could be a nice guy, Rachel included.

"Thanks," she mumbled, taking the pictures and placing them in her lap. The sad look had returned as she stared out the window, watching the scenery that passed us. I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her everything was going to be alright, but I had a feeling that was the last thing she wanted right now.

The taxi brought us to the small hanger we were leaving out of, helping me with the bags once more. I paid him and watched him drive away, pointing out the plane we were taking home to Rachel. It was the same one we'd taken over two days ago.

Rachel headed onto the plane as I carried our bags on, stowing them safely before taking a seat next to her. She continued staring out the window and not speaking as the plane took off.

It was the most uncomfortable plane ride of my entire life. Neither of us spoke to one another or even looked at the other. We just looked in the opposite direction, counting down the minutes until we landed.

When we landed back in Ohio, I got up, taking our bags and carried them off the plane. My car was there, waiting for us. I put the suitcases in the back before opening the door for Rachel. She climbed in, still as silent as ever.

I got in, pulling out of the hanger and driving towards her house. I came to a stop on her street in front of her house, turning the car off.

"Okay, I can't take this anymore," I finally said, breaking the silence. "I can't take you not talking to me. As much as it pains me to admit, I miss your annoying voice."

Rachel looked up at me and I saw the tears in her eyes.

"Rach, what's wrong?" I asked, hesitantly reaching over and taking her hand. She let me, looking down instead of at me. "You can tell me. Please, just trust me. I know something's wrong and it's killing me not to know."

Rachel shook her head. "No, I can't tell you," she whispered. "You're going to hate me and never talk to me again."

"Rachel, that's not true. I could never hate you. Just please. Please tell me what it is. I can take it. I just can't take the not knowing. And I know I'm breaking my promise, but I have to know Rachel. Please."

Rachel closed her eyes, the tears still falling. "I'm sick, Noah," she whispered. "I'm going to die."

Before I even had a chance to process what she'd said, she pushed the front door open and sprinted into her house, not even bothering to grab her suitcase.

I looked down at the seat, the pictures still sitting there. I picked them up, getting out of the car. I grabbed her suitcase, walking up to her house and rang the doorbell.

I was expecting Rachel, but one of her dads opened the door instead, wearing the same expression Rachel had been wearing.

"Rachel left these in my car," I said, her words swimming around my head. _I'm sick, Noah. I'm going to die_. Rachel wouldn't be sick. She couldn't die. She was so young.

"Yes, thank you, Noah," Mr. Berry said. "I'll give them to her."

"Can I speak with her?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No, I'm afraid the flight tired her out. She's already asleep."

I knew that was a lie. She was probably standing off to the side listening to the whole conversation, waiting to see how I'd react to her news.

"Okay," I muttered, turning and walking away. I heard the door shut, Mr. Berry not giving me a second thought. I climbed back into my car, heading back to Finn's.

He was waiting for me when I walked in the door, ready to pounce. "Where have you been?" he asked, even though I'd told him I was going away for a few days. I just failed to mention Rachel would be with me.

"Away," I said vaguely, heading for the stairs. Finn blocked my path, refusing to let me get to the guest room.

"Where?"

"Somewhere. Look, Hudson, let me pass or I'll break your arm."

"No. You disappear for three days without a word—the same three days Rachel was gone. What's going on, Puck? Are you trying to get with her? You know, there's nothing worse than going after your best friend's girl…"

"She's not your girl anymore, Finn! And I can do whatever I want." I let out a sigh, hanging my head. "Look, I'm just helping a friend out. That's all." I felt bad lying to Finn, but I was pretty sure he'd punch me in the face if he found out I slept with Rachel.

Finn narrowed his eyes but didn't follow me when I pushed past him and headed up the stairs. I headed into the guest room where I was staying, shutting and locking the door behind me.

I logged onto Facebook, seeing Rachel already online. I bit my lip, sending her a message.

_What was that whole 'dying' thing about in the car?_

It took her all of two seconds to reply.

_**Forget it. I was just being dramatic. Thanks for the trip, but you don't have to do this anymore. I don't want you to feel awkward around me.**_

_You mean because you turned me down after last night._

_**Precisely. **_

_Rach, I've slept with lots of girls and still talk to them now. I'm not going to feel awkward. But I'm being totally serious now—what did you mean that you're sick and going to die._

_**This isn't a conversation to have over Facebook, Noah. Can you meet me at the football field at McKinley in ten minutes? I promise I'll tell you everything.**_

_See you then._

I logged off, grabbing my keys. Inside, I was freaking out. She was going to tell me everything, but I wasn't sure I wanted to know everything.

I headed out, dodging Finn's questions as I climbed into my car. I drove away from the Hudson-Hummel house, heading for my old high school. School was out and football season was over, so the place was deserted.

I walked onto the football field, remembering my time here. We had a lot of bad games here. Some good ones, but more bad.

I heard Rachel before I saw her. She walked slowly across the field, not saying a word. I turned to face her, closing the gap between us.

She looked up at me, her dark hair blowing in her face from the wind. "I have ALS."

"What?" I asked.

"ALS. Lou Gehrig's disease."

I hadn't been expecting that. I didn't know what to say. Hell, I didn't even know what that disease was! "How long?"

"I found out in September. When my doctor told me my prognosis, I quit school. No point wasting my time getting a degree I'm not going to use."

"How long do you have?"

"Two years if I'm lucky. But with the way things have been going for me, not even that long. I probably have less than 18 months left."

I dropped to my knees, the news hitting me like a ton of bricks. "18 months," I whispered. "But you're so young! It doesn't make any sense." I pulled her close, burying my face in her stomach, my arms wrapped around her waist.

Rachel ran her fingers through my hair, her other hand resting on my shoulder. "Hey, no tears," she said quietly, her voice shaking a bit. "I'm one of those lucky rare cases, it seems. My doctor said it usually affects people a lot older than me."

"Isn't there anything they can do for you?" I asked, looking up at her. "Like, some medicine to give you more time?"

Rachel shook her head sadly. "There's virtually nothing they can do for me. There's something that's supposed to slow the progression of it, but it hasn't appeared to work for me." She leaned over, kissing my forehead. "This is why I can't be with you, Noah. I don't want you to fall in love with me just to have your heart broken when I die."

I pressed my face into her, trying to stop the tears I knew were coming. "Too late. I'm already there, babe. Are you really going to deny yourself 18 months of happiness because you're worried about someone else?"

Rachel dropped to the ground, kneeling in front of me. "Noah, I can't put you through this. I may look fine now, but it's going to get bad. I'm going to lose the ability to walk. I'm not going to be able to take care of myself."

I shook my head, pulling her close against me. "I don't care. I know it's crazy, but I want to be with you, Rachel. I don't care if it's for ten days or ten years. I want to spend whatever time you have left together. Besides, I made a promise to help you finish your list."

Rachel let out a small laugh, though it was cut off by a sob. "I don't deserve this. I don't deserve someone like you."

"Stop saying what you don't deserve and just accept it. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you check off every little thing on that list of yours." I helped Rachel to her feet, pulling her face close to mine as I kissed her. "Stop your tears," I whispered. "I'm going to make these next months the happiest of your life."

I walked Rachel to her car, holding her hand tightly. When she opened the door, she turned to me again. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I just…I didn't trust you, I suppose."

"It doesn't matter. I know now."

Rachel climbed into her car with the promise I'd talk to her later, then drove away. I headed back to Finn's house, avoiding him as I walked in. I couldn't handle another interrogation—I was sure I'd break down in tears.

I knew I'd promised Rachel to finish everything on her list, but I didn't know how I was going to do that. I needed money—money I didn't have.

That's when the idea hit me. I opened my computer and began typing. I'd get every penny I needed to make Rachel's last months on earth the best.


	8. I Won't Back Down

_Rachel_

After coming clean to Noah, I didn't see him for almost two weeks. He texted me every day, but I hadn't actually seen him since I told him what was going on.

I guessed he just needed some space to come to terms with everything, but it was still making me worried. What if he'd changed his mind about spending time with me knowing our time together was limited?

I started going through my list daily, highlighting things I desperately wanted to check off before things got bad. I didn't know when it would happen, but my doctor had said there was a very good chance I'd end up in a wheelchair as the disease got worse.

Despite the brave face I put on around my fathers, I was terrified of things getting worse. They were already bad enough as it was, and I didn't want to get to the point where I had to rely on someone else to just get out of bed in the morning.

Tuesday morning, I was once again, going through the list, still attempting to figure out how I was going to achieve my number one. _Make a difference. _To anyone else, that wouldn't make much sense. But to me, it did. I wanted to make a difference in this world before I left it. I wanted my life to matter.

Up until this point, it really hadn't.

There was a knock on the door and I assumed it was Noah finally gracing me with his presence. I walked over to the door, pulling it open. I would be lying if I said I wasn't shocked when I saw Kurt standing on my doorstep. I hadn't seen him since the funeral, and we hadn't talked much then. He was still angry at me for dropping out of school.

"Kurt?" I asked, pulling the sweatshirt I was wearing tight around my body. I was still in my pajamas. "What are you doing here?" I knew Noah was staying with his family, so I figured he was here giving Noah a ride. "Is Noah with you?"

Kurt shook his head and I tried to get a read on his expression. His face seemed to be a mixture of anger and hurt. His lips were in a tight line and his hands were balled into fists.

"What's wrong? Has something happened?"

"Why, Rachel?"

I looked at him, my face full of confusion. "Why what, Kurt?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, pushing his way into my house, taking a seat on the couch. I closed the door, walking over and taking a seat beside him.

"Tell you what?" I asked. There was so much I'd hidden from people since I was diagnosed, he could have been talking about a range of things.

"That you're sick. Why didn't you tell me? I could have—god, I could have done something." He was running his hands through his hair as he tried to get a hold of his emotions. "I wouldn't have yelled at you about the school thing. I'm supposed to be your best friend, Rach."

My face went white. There was only one person he could have found that out from. "Did Noah tell you?" I asked in a whisper.

"Not exactly."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. "Either he told you or he didn't."

"Rachel, you need to see something." He stood up, holding a hand out to me. I wanted to know right now how he'd found out I was sick, but I was also curious as to what he wanted to show me. Hesitantly, I took his hand.

Kurt led me upstairs to my room, taking a seat at my desk in front of my computer. My list was clasped in my hand as I watched him open the internet, typing something into the browser.

"Kurt, what are you doing? I thought you were showing me something," I said, taking a seat on the edge of my bed.

"I am. Just be patient. I have to find it first. I only found it this morning because Blaine sent me the link."

I arched my eyebrows at the mention of Blaine. Last time I'd heard, they'd broken up. Tina had mentioned that they were attempting to be friends but it wasn't working out. "Blaine?"

"Don't ask, don't tell," he said, giving me a look that said drop it. I nodded once, letting the subject end there. "It's some blog that's apparently gotten really popular in the past few days."

"What's it about?"

"Read it for yourself," he said, pulling the page up. He rose, allowing me to sit in front of the computer. Taking Kurt's hand, I walked over and took a seat, my eyes going to the screen. And right on the screen was my picture.

It was a current one—I was in the water with the dolphins. Which meant the only person who could have posted this was Noah Puckerman. Looks like I was going to outlive him, because he was dead next time I saw him.

"What is this?" I asked, not bothering to read what the post said. "Is he bragging about nailing me in Bermuda?"

That got Kurt's attention. "What?!"

"Nothing," I muttered, going back to the post instead in an attempt to ignore Kurt, who was staring at me with judgmental eyes.

_The Bucket List Project_

_All it takes are a few words to end your life. This is Rachel Berry. As much as she tries to push me away to protect me, I still love her. I wish I could say we have some romantic story, but we don't. We went to high school together, and then I didn't see her for two years._

_I ran into her at a friend's father's funeral and seeing her sparked the old feelings I had for her back when I was a teenager. Now this is the part where you all are going to think I'm a total jackass._

_She's my best friend's ex-fiancée. I know, bros before hoes. But the heart wants what it wants._

_I'm not trying to explain myself or even talk about how much Rachel means to me. The fact that I adore her is beside the point._

_The point is Rachel needs my help. I'm just a 20-year-old guy. I don't have the money or resources to help her. What does she need help with?_

_Rachel's dying. She doesn't have long left—two years at most. She was diagnosed with ALS, or Lou Gehrig's disease, something very rare for someone her age. Her doctors have said it's a very aggressive form. These next two years are going to be very unpleasant for her as her body slowly starts to turn against her. At some point, she won't even be able to walk._

_There's no cure for it or even treatment that will help—if there was, I'd be doing everything to make sure she was getting it. But there's nothing I can do to save her, and I know that. I haven't accepted it, but I realize dragging her all over the world for a miracle cure won't do anything for her except drive her mad._

_Rachel was studying at NYADA until she was diagnosed. She dropped out after she found out she didn't have long left. Her dream her whole life has been to be on Broadway, but now she's most likely never going to see that happen._

_When I ran into her, she mentioned she had a list of her dreams. Not just being on Broadway, but everything she wanted to do in her life before she died. She told me this before I found out about her being sick._

_I knew it was crazy, but I wanted to help her. I quit school and I've pledged my time to helping her finish her list. I didn't realize how hard it was going to be, but it is. I'm young, I don't have a job, and I'm just one person. There's only so much I can do to help._

_That's why I need help._

_I want Rachel to finish her list. I want her to find some happiness in her life, to make her smile every day. She doesn't have a lot of reasons to smile now, so I want to give her some._

_I don't know everything on her list, but I know some. We've crossed off one thing so far, but that's one out of a lot. I'm asking you to help me make one girl's last months on earth the best she's ever had._

_She's probably going to hate me when she finds out I did this, but it's worth it if I can help her achieve all her dreams. _

_Please. I can't do this without you._

I looked up as I got to the end of his entry, my hand shaking. Strangely, I wasn't mad. I was touched that someone would do something like this for me.

"It's gone viral," Kurt said, watching me. "There's articles all over the web talking about his blog. And look," he said, pointing to something on the side of the page. "That's donations. People are donating money to him to help you guys."

My mouth dropped open at the number. Twenty thousand dollars.

"Is that real?"

Kurt nodded his head. "I asked Puck this morning, and he said it exploded overnight. He's so struck by the generosity of people. People just want to help you, Rachel."

"But why?" I asked. "What makes me so special that they want to give me money?"

"You're young, beautiful, and dying. Nothing pulls at people's heartstrings more than that." I got up, walking over and taking a seat on the edge of my bed once again. "But you still didn't answer my question. Why didn't you tell me, Rachel? I could have—god, I could have at least been nicer to you this past year."

"I didn't want to tell you, Kurt," I answered. "I didn't want people knowing. I don't want people treating me different because I was dying. I wanted to cling onto the last bit of normalcy I had. I might not be able to control what's happening to me, but at least I could control who knew about it."

"So you're pissed at Puck, then?" he guessed.

I shook my head. "No, surprisingly. He's trying to help. No one's ever done something so nice for me. I don't even know how to react."

Kurt looked at the folded piece of paper in my hand. "Is that the list?" he asked.

I nodded. "It is. And no, you can't read it," I added before he had a chance to ask.

"I wasn't going to ask to read it," he said defensively. "No matter how curious I am, it's your business what that says, not mine. Has Puck seen it?"

I shook my head. "No. It's private. I don't want anyone reading it."

Kurt let out a small laugh. "How's he supposed to help you cross things off if he doesn't even know what it says?"

"I'll tell him the things I want to do."

"Look, I know you don't trust people with this kind of thing, but you have to, Rach. You have to trust people to help you. You were honest with Puck about you and look what's happened? He's got the whole country on your side. Maybe you should trust him with that too. He's just trying to help."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Did you come over to chew me out about lying to you or to give me a pep talk about being fully honest with Noah?"

"Both, I guess," he laughed, kissing the top of my head. "I'm just trying to be here for you, Rachel. I've been a pretty bad friend since you dropped out of school and broke Finn's heart. I'm not saying I don't understand why you did those things now, but I thought you were being a drama queen back then. I wasn't here for you then, but I am now. Anything you need, I'll do it. I'll follow you wherever you want me to, Rachel."

I smiled at him—a real smile, not a fake one—and took his hand. "I'll let you know as soon as I need anything. Really," I promised. "And it's not your fault. I haven't been the best friend to you either. I haven't really been there for you."

"You have an excuse. I don't," Kurt interrupted, squeezing my hand gently. "I know I've been an absolute shit to you, Rach, but I'm making up for it now." He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Go easy on Puckerman. He was just trying to do something nice for someone he care about."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"It means open your eyes, Rachel. The boy's in love with you, and you're too blind to notice. I knew he was the moment he laid eyes on you at my dad's funeral—and it's not like I was paying attention to either of you that day. He's head over heels for you, and he's not going to tell you because he doesn't want to put you in an awkward position. You need to figure things out between the two of you and fast. It's not fair to lead him on."

Kurt left son after that, promising to call that night. He also made me promise to talk to him every day so he knew I was still alive. I felt my heart lift a little knowing Kurt was back in my life, even if things were still a little shaky between us.

I was planning on spending the day in bed watching old romance movies, but halfway through _It Happened One Night_, Noah pulled my window open and climbed into my room.

"Noah?" I asked, sitting up in my bed, my eyes drooping a little. I'd been on the verge of falling asleep—every day I felt more and more tired. "What are you doing here? I have a door, you know. Besides, my fathers aren't even home."

"I know, but I've always wanted to do that. I'm checking things off my own list too," he laughed, holding up a folded piece of paper before shoving it into his pocket. "Might as well cross off as many things as I can. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, after all."

"Yes, but that still doesn't answer my question of what you're doing here," I demanded, though I couldn't help the smile pulling at the edge of my lips.

"I wanted to see you, Rach. I know Kurt told you and I'm probably the last person you want to see, but I needed to see you. I needed to tell you why I wrote it and posted it." He rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly nervous.

It was absolutely adorable. He started rambling on and on, and I suppose it was right there that I realized I cared for him too. Not love—not yet—but something more than just a simple friendship or a burning lust.

I climbed out of bed—slowly, but he was too absorbed in his own thoughts to notice. I pressed my finger to his lips, cutting him off mid-sentence. "Shh," I whispered. "I don't care. I'm not mad. Not now, at least. I know why you did it, and Kurt told me to take it easy on you."

"Oh, so you do what Kurt says?"

I rolled my eyes at him before standing on my toes, pressing my lips to his. Noah seemed surprised, but he kissed me back, his arms wrapping themselves around my waist.

We stood in my bedroom, kissing for a few minutes before I pulled back, shrinking back down so I was standing on my flat feet. "No, I do what I want. And I don't want to be mad at you when you're just trying to do the best thing for me. I care about you, Noah. Not love, but I do care for you." I slipped my hand into his.

"Does this mean you're going to be with me, then?"

I let out a sigh. "Noah, I can't do that to you. I can't build your hopes up for a few years before I leave. That's not fair to you."

"No, what's not fair to me is denying me the one thing in the world that makes me happy. I want to be with you, Rachel. I don't care about you being sick, so why should you? Let me make my own decisions about my life, just like I let you make yours." He stared at me, making my cheeks red.

"Okay," I whispered. "Okay. We'll try it." I laced my fingers together with his. "I'm not promising this is going to be easy, but we'll try it."

Noah grinned, kissing my forehead. "Now that that's out of the way, get dressed. I was ordered to bring you somewhere at three this afternoon, which means we have ten minutes before we're late."

I gave him a look. "Bring me?" I asked. "Bring me where?"

"Back to McKinley, of course. There's a surprise waiting for you."


	9. Hear You Me

_Noah_

I helped Rachel into the front seat of my car, being very careful with her. I didn't know that much about her disease. She didn't look like she was sick of weak, but she'd mentioned all the times she's already been hospitalized after finding out she was sick. I wasn't taking any chances. Her dads would never forgive me if I somehow hurt her in any way.

As soon as we pulled away from her house, she started fooling with the radio. Normally, shit like that pissed me off. I hated when people changed the station from what I like din my own car, yet Rachel doing it didn't seem to bother me.

It was probably the love thing.

I couldn't take full credit for this thing at McKinley—part of it was Kurt's idea, part of it was Blaine's idea, and part of it was Jesse St. James' idea. That was one name I never thought would be on a list of people wanting to help Rachel out. The only thing I could ever remember about him was him crushing an egg on top of Rachel's head. Sick bastard.

Yet he called me a few nights ago—this whole thing was really his idea. Apparently, he saw my blog and was struck with some kind of goodness in his heart and wanted to help. I didn't trust him entirely, but I didn't think he was going to fuck Rachel over again.

I pulled into the parking lot of the school, finding an empty spot near the front. Kurt had told me where to go, that everyone would already be in the choir room waiting for us.

I took Rachel's hand and helped her out of the car. She beamed up at me as she gripped my arm tightly, using me for some support as we walked. In just the few weeks I'd spent with Rachel, I'd seen her get worse. She was walking, but she seemed to stumble quite a bit. She was always tired, and she was always dropping things. I was delusional if I thought she was going to last more than two years.

Putting an arm around her waist, I held Rachel close as I navigated her through the front doors and into the school, walking her through the empty halls. School was out for the summer, having ended last week, so we were the only ones there. I'd made sure to get permission from Principle Figgins before I okayed Jesse's plan.

As we approached the choir room, Rachel and I could hear music and voices coming from the open door. She strained her head forward a bit, attempting to hear what they were singing.

"Noah, what's going on?" Rachel asked in a soft voice.

I drew an imaginary zipper across my lips. "It's a surprise. I promised I wouldn't tell," I informed her, leading her into the choir room.

There was a huge group of people standing around the piano. Brad was playing something as some of them sang along. It wasn't just the former members of New Directions—the Dalton Warblers and Carmel High's Vocal Adrenaline were also there. It was strange—every other time the glee clubs had gotten together, it had been a vicious rivalry. But now, they were all getting along and even singing together.

"Rachel's here!" Mercedes shouted, causing everyone to stop singing. I was struck by all the people who had showed up—some of the Warblers and members of Vocal Adrenaline had graduated years ago, yet here they were, showing their support for Rachel.

We were engulfed by the crowd as everyone attempted to see Rachel. I was pushed off to the side as each person came up to Rachel. I graciously moved away, letting her have the moment to herself. The voices weren't excited—everyone seemed to be giving her their condolences.

"Everyone, please stop," I heard Rachel say forcefully, causing everyone to step back. Rachel searched the crowd until she found me. "Noah, could you help me up?" she asked, pointing to one of the chairs. I walked over to her, placing my hands on her waist and lifting her so she was standing on the seat of the chair. "Look, I get that you're all sad and feel sorry for me, but I don't need to hear that from every single one of you. I don't even know why Noah brought me here."

"Because we asked him to," Jesse said, stepping out of the crowd. Clearly Rachel hadn't seen him yet—her face betrayed the shock. "We all read Puck's blog about you. Rachel, I know you don't want us saying how sorry we are, but it's true. I can't speak for Dalton, but for the members of Vocal Adrenaline, we've all always respected you. Hell, we'd have loved for you to transfer and sing with us."

A dark haired girl from Vocal Adrenaline—I think her name was Grace—stepped forward. She had graduated when Jesse did and had always been his partner for their performances. "I used to be so jealous of you. I still am. I took voice lessons my whole life and I could never hope to have the set of pipes that you have. You have natural talent, Rachel. We may have done some shitty stuff to New Directions when we were competing, but that doesn't mean we ever hated you guys. Quite the opposite, actually."

Jeff, one of the members of the Warblers who had graduated, piped in. "Yeah. You were always incredible to watch. And you were so nice to us, even though both our groups were trying to get to Nationals."

Blaine stepped forward, looking around the whole group. "I guess what we're all trying to say is that we're all sad about this, Rachel. We don't want this to be happening. You've changed all our lives, whether you realize it or not."

"Without you, New Directions wouldn't have been what it was and what it still is," Mr. Schuester said, leaning against the piano. "And without that, I don't know if I'd be preparing for my wedding now," he said, patting Ms. Pillsbury's hand.

"I wouldn't be doing what I love," Mike said. "I'd be preparing for medical school and hating every minute of it."

"I'd still be in denial about who I am," Santana said. "Even if you were annoying and I wanted to punch you in the face every time you opened your mouth, being around you helped me be more honest about who I am. You were never ashamed or afraid to show your true colors. When it came to Rachel Berry, you got what you saw."

I looked up at Rachel, who was wiping her eyes as a few tears fell down her face. I reached a hand up, helping her off the chair so she was standing beside me once more. I pushed her slightly so she understood that we wanted her to sit. Rachel obliged, sitting down in the chair. I gave her a kiss on the top of her head before walking over to the group, taking a spot in the front.

"We wanted to do something special for you, to show us how much you mean to us," I explained, Jesse and Kurt coming to stand on either side of me. "I'd like to say I can take credit for this, but I can't. It was all Jesse's idea, actually. He and Kurt organized this, as well as the concert next month."

"Concert?" Rachel asked. "What are you talking about, Noah?"

"We're putting on a concert to raise money for you. Noah explained in more detail what you guys are doing and about your list. We want to help. We want you to finish your list, Rachel. So Jesse had the idea to put on a benefit concert to collect money so you can do that," Kurt explained.

Rachel let out a laugh, covering her mouth as she continued crying. "I don't know what to say. You all are too kind. I don't deserve this."

"But you do," Jesse protested. "You may be a pain in the ass at times, but you're the sweetest person I know. No one deserves to die young, but especially not someone like you. You deserve to have the best time left that anyone could have."

Rachel smiled as I signaled to Brad to start playing. Finn and Sam started playing guitar while Artie took his spot at the drums.

I was the first one to start singing, looking Rachel right in the eyes as I started. Sam moved next to me, lightly strumming the guitar, nodding his head in time to the music.

_There's no one in town I know.  
You gave us some place to go.  
I never said thank you for that.  
I thought I might get one more chance.  
What would you think of me now  
So lucky, So strong, So proud?  
I never said thank you for that,  
Now I'll never have a chance._

Kurt stepped forward beside me, his voice joining with mine to continue the song. I glanced over and saw him wipe a tear away. I knew he had to be feeling awful—his father had just passed away, and now his best friend had a death sentence. Poor guy couldn't catch a break.__

May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads,  
The sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in.

Jesse took the next verse. He moved forward, kneeling beside Rachel and taking her hand. I saw her shoulder's shake slightly as I noticed she was beginning to cry. Not the type of crying she'd been doing before—she was actually starting to sob. Her hands were covering her mouth as she tried to control herself and stay calm. __

So what would you think of me now  
So lucky, So strong, So proud?  
I never said thank you for that.  
Now I'll never have a chance.

Blaine, with the Warblers backing him up, took the next verse, the whole group of them surrounding Rachel. The little bit of makeup she had on was smeared down her face, giving her a slightly raccoon-like appearance. She however, didn't appear to care. Jesse had gotten up and stood next to me once more as Blaine and the others continued serenading her.__

May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads,  
The sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in.  
May angels lead you in.  
May angels lead you in.

Mercedes, Tina, Santana, and Quinn, along with a few of the girls from Vocal Adrenaline, took their turn singing to Rachel. They hung back a little, though stayed as a group as they kept singing to her.__

And if you were with me tonight.  
I'd sing to you just one more time._  
A song for a heart so big,  
God wouldn't let it live._

It was my turn again. I walked forward, kneeing in front of Rachel, both of my hands finding hers. She held onto my hands, letting them rest in her lap as her eyes remained on mine. __

May angels lead you in._  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads,  
The sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in._

I finished my part and let my head rest in Rachel's lap as everyone else finished the song. Rachel freed one hand from my grasp and ran it through my hair, her hand running over the side of my head and my ears as well. She leaned down and kissed the area beside my eye before lifting her head up as the group finished singing.

_May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads,  
The sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in.  
May angels lead you in._

Once the song was finished, the room fell silent except for the sound of multiple people crying. I turned and saw Will comforting Emma as she let her emotions overcome her. Everyone seemed to be crying at this point—I was pretty sure I even saw Sam wipe a tear or two away.

I stood up, pulling Rachel to her feet. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close against me. She was shaking slightly as she continued sobbing, her face buried against my chest.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to the side, seeing Finn standing next to me. He appeared to be having some sort of internal conflict. Eventually, he gave me a nod as if to say he understood, that I had his permission. After all, he just wanted Rachel to be happy.

Finn wrapped his arms around both our shoulders. Before long, the whole group was embracing us, wrapping Rachel and I in a large group hug.

"Rach, we want you to sing at the concert," Kurt finally said.

"Kurt," Rachel murmured, her voice hoarse. "I don't know if I can."

"I know you're voice isn't what it once was, but it wouldn't be right if you didn't sing. You have to sing, Rachel. We all want you to."

I nodded down at her as she met my eyes. "It's true. Everyone agrees that you should sing. The concert's in your honor, after all. It wouldn't be right if you didn't sing at least one song."

Rachel smiled a little before nodding her head. "Okay. One song," she agreed before burying her face back against my chest.

Kurt tapped my shoulder and handed me a small envelope. I nodded my head before kissing Rachel's cheek. "Rach, we need to head back and pack again. I want to get on the road before it's too late," I whispered in her ear.

"What?" she asked. "Where are we going?"

"To check off another thing on your list, of course," I said, rubbing her back. "We've only checked off one thing so far. If you want to finish this list, we have to get cracking."


	10. The One

_Rachel_

"I'm having a major déjà vu moment right now. This is just like when you brought me to Bermuda and refused to tell me where we were going," I said, looking over at Noah. We were in his car, driving to some unknown location. We'd already been driving for four hours—I think we were still in Ohio, but I'd lost track of where we were over an hour ago.

"Hey, is it so bad for me to want to give you a little surprise?" he asked, turning his face towards me for a moment and smiling. "You were so shocked when we arrived in Bermuda. I just want to do that again. Is that so horrible?"

"No, but I would like to know where we're going for once. Do you know how maddening it is to not have any idea where I'm going and simultaneously being trapped in a car for hours?"

Noah laughed, reaching over and taking my hand. "Relax, babe. Everything's going to turn out well. You're going to love what I have planned, I promise. Just sleep or something. You've got to be tired."

I let out a yawn, closing my eyes a little. Of course I was tired—I was always tired. ALS made me tired all the time. Plus, it was starting to take a little more effort to take a breath, something I knew was a bad sign.

The doctors had told me at some point I wouldn't be able to breathe on my own. They were talking about putting a tube in my neck to do breathing for me. I knew I didn't want that. What was the point of being alive if I couldn't even breathe without a machine? The doctors kept saying I needed to write down what I wanted—what I wanted to happen to me when I started getting worse, but I wasn't ready for that. Not yet at least.

I blamed Noah for that. Up until now, I'd been ready for my life to end. No, ready wasn't the right word—who could really be ready to die? I wasn't ready for death, but I'd come to accept the fact that I wasn't going to make it to 25, I wasn't going to get married or have a baby or do any of the things I wanted. And for some reason, I was okay with that.

But now? Now I wasn't ready to die. I didn't want my life to end when I had something worth living for. Noah was one of those guys who came around one in a lifetime. I didn't see that at first, but I was starting to see it now. He was so different that Finn, enjoying me for the way I was instead of the vision he had of me. Finn had always tried to change me and mold me into the girl he wanted me to be instead of the girl I was. Noah accepted me for the way I was and loved me for it. He liked the good and bad parts and wasn't trying to change anything.

He was giving up everything for me. He'd quit school and put his life on hold to help me to something I wanted because he was a good person. Okay, so maybe he wanted to spend time with me and make himself look good, but he wouldn't have quit school just to do that.

I knew we'd been together only for a little, but the feelings I had for him were so much stronger than what I had felt for anyone ever. I dated Finn for years, and I already felt more for Noah than I ever did for Finn. I knew it was love—I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. He was the kind of person I could see myself marrying and having a family with. Too bad I didn't have that kind of time left.

I lowered the seat a bit so I was lying back instead of sitting up straight, trying to fall asleep. The gentle movement of the car helped me relax, and before I knew it I was sleeping.

I didn't dream much, but Noah's face kept floating through my mind as I remained sleeping. In my head, he kept telling me he loved me and that he'd do anything for me. I knew the real Noah would say the same things to me if he wasn't terrified I'd freak out at him like I had in Bermuda after our night together.

The car hit a bump and I woke back up, looking around a bit frantically as I tried to reorient myself to where we were. It had gotten a bit darker out—I had no idea how long we'd been driving or how late it was.

"Morning sunshine," Noah teased, reaching a hand over to squeeze my knee gently. "I knew you were tired."

"Shut up," I muttered, brushing some of my hair out of my face. "Are we almost there?" I asked, looking out the window. My mouth dropped open as the bright lights and tall buildings came into view. I knew where we were. It was the one place in the world I loved.

"I see you know where we are," he teased, driving the car up to a hotel. It was called the _Marriot Marquis New York_, a hotel I'd been at before. They had the best bathrooms, ones I'd visited when I was seeing a show while I lived in New York.

I had no idea why Noah had brought me to New York, but I was beyond excited. If I hadn't gotten sick, I'd still be here realizing my dream. Instead, I was stuck back in Ohio because my dads refused to let me be happy for my last months.

"Noah, what are we doing here?" I asked as he stopped the car in front of the valet, turning it off.

He laughed, leaning over and kissing my forehead. "It's a surprise. I can't spoil it now," he said, opening his door. He handed the valet guy a few dollars before lifting both our bags out of the trunk. "Shall we?" he asked, turning towards me.

Looking at him suspiciously, I followed him into the hotel, looking around. The lobby was enormous and filled with people. There was a restaurant that was packed. I felt my stomach growl—I hadn't eaten in hours.

Noah walked up to the front desk, checking us in. I had no idea if he was going to get us two rooms again like he had before when we were pretending we weren't aching to fuck each other. Now that we had slept together, I wasn't sure if he was expecting to get laid on this trip as well.

Noah returned with one envelope. "I got us one room this time. I hope that's okay—I can get another if you'd prefer to have your own room."

I shook my head. "No, one room is perfect." I moved closer to him, standing on my toes to give him a soft kiss on the lips. "Let's head up to our room and order some food. I'm starving."

Noah nodded his head. "Sounds like a great idea. I'm tired from driving all day." I linked my arm with his, leaning my head against his shoulder as we made our way over to the elevators. We headed up to the 12th floor, walking out of the elevator once we arrived. Noah led the way down the hall to our room, putting the key in the door, opening it a moment later.

The room was beautiful. There was a large king sized bed in the center of the room, the covers white. There was a red couch off to the side and a large flat screened TV mounted on the wall. The best part, however, was the view. Our window had a perfect view of Time's Square.

I was in heaven.

I ran over, jumping onto the bed, landing on my stomach. I buried my face in the covers, letting out a laugh. "I can't believe we're actually in New York!" I giggled, rolling over onto my back and stared at the ceiling, watching the blades of the fan spin around and around.

Noah had walked over to the phone, calling room service for something to eat. I heard him order himself a steak before he covered the phone and asked what I wanted.

"Just a salad," I said, earning an annoyed look. "Don't look at me like that, Mr. Puckerman. Order the salad," I ordered, sticking my tongue out at him. He rolled his eyes before ordering the food, hanging up the phone after he'd finished.

"They said it should be ready in about half an hour. They'll bring it up here when it's all ready."

I smiled and nodded my head, a blush creeping onto my cheeks. Noah and I were alone in a hotel room we were sharing. We were in New York, and I was pretty sure I was in love with him. I had no idea how to act. Taking a deep breath, I looked off to the side before looking back at him. "Well, I feel grimy after being stuck in that car all day. I think I'm going to take a bath." I started walking towards the bathroom before looking back. "You're welcome to join me," I added.

I heard Noah laughed as he walked over towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist, his lips on my neck. "Mm, a bath sounds nice," he mumbled against my skin, lifting me up into his arms, carrying me bridal-style into the bathroom, shutting the door behind us. He leaned his face down, kissing my lips.

Noah set me down on the edge of the tub, reaching down and turning the water on. He placed his hand under the faucet, making sure the water was warm enough. I stood up, pulling my shirt over my head. I paused for a moment, deciding to pull my shoes off first. There was nothing worse than being completely naked except for shoes or socks.

Noah followed my example, pulling his clothes off and left them on the bathroom floor. I turned, opening the closet, finding two fluffy robes. I pulled them out, setting them on the sink counter for when we were finished. Then, I stepped into the tub, feeling Noah's eyes on me the whole time.

I sat down in the tub, the water coming to just below my collarbones. Noah climbed in after me, taking a seat on the other end of the tub. He straightened his legs under the water as I did the same thing, our legs overlapping.

For some reason, I felt myself feeling nervous. I had no reason to feel nervous—he'd already seen me naked, both in his bed and just a few seconds ago. But I couldn't help it. Being alone with him like this, it was all new.

I heard Noah chuckle—I must have looked like I was concentrating hard on something. "C'mere," he said, gesturing me over with his left hand. I moved in the water, keeping the majority of my body under the water as I moved over to him, settling with my back against his chest, my head resting against his body.

Noah wrapped his arms around my waist, his head dropping down so his face was next to my neck. He began kissing my shoulder, moving up slowly. His hands moved down my body, running over my stomach before they were on my inner thighs.

I let out a small gasp, though I didn't push him away. Instead, I spread my legs a little, moaning softly as his lips latched onto my neck, his tongue running over my skin.

He ran a finger over me under water, causing me to shut my eyes as I pushed my head back against him more. "Tell me what you want, Rach," he whispered in my ear, returning his lips to my skin a moment later.

"I want you," I whispered, sitting forward. I turned around so I was facing him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pushing my lips against his. Noah was pushed back against the tub as I climbed into his lap, my legs on either side.

"Rach, wait. I need…condom," he murmured against my lips, his hands moving to my waist.

I pulled away for a second, looking down at him. "Why? I'm dying, Noah. What's the point of using protection when I'm not going to be around long enough to experience any consequences of having unprotected sex?" I asked, the reality of my words hitting me. It didn't matter if we used a condom or not. I was dying, so I might as well enjoy the few things I still could to the most.

I positioned myself over him, lowering myself so his tip was just at my entrance. I gave him a look, arching an eyebrow to see if he was going to protest. He responded by kissing me, which I took as the go ahead. I lowered myself onto him, moaning against his lips as I did so.

I started rocking back and forth in the water on top of him, my arms wrapped tightly around his neck. I pulled my lips away from his, my face still close to his. I get out a small gasp as he held me closer, starting to move his lips with mine.

My chest was pressed against his as he moved his lips back to my neck, his hips continuing their movements.

"Oh, yes," I gasped. "Oh, right there. That's perfect, baby," I murmured, speeding up my own movements, my fingers intertwined in his hair. "Oh god, Noah. I love you," I gasped, my fingers digging into his shoulder.

"Come on, baby. Cum for me," Noah whispered into my ear before placing a kiss on my collarbone. "You know you want to."

I rocked my hips back and forth faster, feeling my heart speed up and my breath quicken. "Oh, yes!" I gasped. "Yes, god, fuck!" I screamed as the pleasure came over me. I felt Noah come inside me as he buried his face into my neck, groaning against my skin. We both continued moving until our orgasms ended. We continued sitting in the water for a few moments before I climbed off his lap, feeling dirtier than before I'd gotten in the bath.

I climbed out of the water, grabbing the robe from the counter and pulled it on, tying the belt around my waist. Noah climbed out after me and I handed him his robe. He kissed my forehead, smiling a little. I tied the belt around his waist, hugging him tightly.

"Oh, and Rach?" he asked, looking down at me.

"Yeah?" I asked, my face still a bit flushed.

"Love you too."


	11. Die Young

_Noah_

After the food arrived and we ate, Rachel and I made love a few more times before deciding we should get some sleep. We crawled into the large bed and I wrapped my arms around her small body, feeling her relax against my chest as she fell asleep.

I already knew things were going to get hard. I was head over heels for Rachel. I'd never felt this way about anyone else in my life, but I also knew this wasn't permanent. Rachel had been completely honest about what was going to happen to her. There was nothing they could do to cure what she had. She was going to die and that was that.

I held her closer at that thought. A world without Rachel Berry was not a world I wanted to live in, especially now. Before, maybe I could have dealt with it. But now, I didn't want to be anywhere she wasn't. Just being apart from her for a day was starting to become painful. Who knew how much time she had left—it could be months, weeks, or just days. I didn't want to be apart from her for any of it.

I also knew, however, her fathers were starting to become annoyed with my constant presence. They didn't like me taking her away from them for days at a time. They, like me, wanted to spend as much time with her before she was gone. And, as her fathers, I suppose they had priority over me.

But Rachel seemed to like being with me. She liked the adventures I took her on and the surprises I gave her, even if she complained about them. She'd loved the dolphins—she hadn't shut up about it since we got back. Even her father, Leroy, had to admit it had been a good idea to take her there.

They'd even okayed the trip we were on now. Hiram had even asked if he and Leroy could come before he changed his mind and figured Rachel would want to do this with her friends and not have her dads tagging along. Rachel and I still hadn't told them about us being a—whatever we were currently. I knew we needed to tell them, but Rachel was against it. And, since she was the dying girl, I was willing to do whatever she wanted.

Rachel let out a soft sigh as she rolled over slightly in bed, her back pressed against my chest with her dark, tangled hair in my face. I leaned my head down a bit, pressing a soft kiss to the back of her head as she slept. "You're going to love your surprise," I whispered to her, kissing the side of her neck lightly before closing my eyes and trying to fall asleep.

It seemed as though I'd only been sleeping for a moment before Rachel was seated on my chest, attempting to wake me up.

"Wake up, sleepy head," she laughed, walking her fingers up and down my chest. "It's time to get up and see the city I love!" She rolled off me and laid on her back, still dressed in just a tank top and underwear.

I rolled over on top of her, pinning her arms onto the pillow above her head. I leaned my head down, kissing her once on the lips. Rachel made a face against my lips. "Ew, morning breath," she teased before kissing me back lightly. "Okay, no time for fooling around now," she said, squirming a little beneath me in an attempt to get free. "We have all night for that if you so desire. We're in New York and I damn well intend to spend all day in the city. Why would we come here to spend all day in bed when we could just stay in Lima and do that?"

She had a point. I rolled off her, but not before giving her one last kiss. "Alright, fair enough," I said. "Why don't I take a quick shower and then you can have the bathroom to get ready. And no, you can't join me because any shower we take together is guaranteed to make me dirtier than I already am, not cleaner." I got out of bed, heading to the bathroom and shutting the door behind me.

I took the quickest shower I'd ever taken in my life, emerging from the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around my waist, a few drops of water clinging to my chest.

Rachel climbed off the bed, sauntering over towards me. "You know, you look hot like that," she said, standing on her toes to kiss me cheek before pulling away, disappearing inside the bathroom. While she was busy, I got myself dressed. I pulled on a green button-up shirt and jeans, complete with a leather belt. I grabbed my watch, slapping it on my wrist—I had to make sure we stayed on time today. Finally, I grabbed my black sneakers, pulling them on my feet and tying them loosely.

Rachel was still in the shower, so I laid across the bed, flipping on the TV. I ended up watching two shows before Rachel emerged, completely dressed and made up perfectly. I jumped to my feet, walking over to her. She had on a black shirt with a white tank top. She finished the outfit with a pink blazer on top. She had tights with black wedges as well as some jewelry. All in all, she looked amazing.

"Ready to go?" I asked, holding out my hand to her.

Rachel nodded her head, slipping her hand into mine. She laced our fingers together, grinning up at me. "Of course I am. I can't wait to show all of New York to you!"

And show me she did. We spent all morning walking around the city. Rachel dragged me into store after store, insisting it was part of the New York experience. We spent a good hour inside the giant Toys R US, going to all three floors before finishing by riding the giant Ferris wheel.

"You know, I'm having a lot of fun, Noah," she said, her head resting on my shoulder. "Was this the surprise? Bringing me around the city?" she asked.

I shook my head, kissing her forehead. "You think I'd do something so simple as the surprise? Of course not. The surprise is still coming, baby, and it's going to rock your world."

"Do you think we could stop in Brooklyn for a little bit? An old friend from school lives there, and I kind of want to see her."

"Friend?" I asked. I'd never heard Rachel talk about anyone she went to school with. Granted, I hadn't been hanging around her for that long, but I couldn't remember her ever mentioning someone from school.

"Well, my old roommate, actually. Katie. I left New York after I got sick without ever giving her an explanation, then lied whenever she called. She stopped calling after a while, and I stopped talking to her. I guess I feel bad about it. I just want to see if she still lives here. She sent me her new address, but I never wrote or visited. I figure now's my only chance."

I nodded my head as the ride came to a stop and we got off. "Of course. This is all about you. I'll do anything you want, and if you want to visit her, that's what we'll do next." We left the store, me carrying a small bag which held a stuffed moose I had bought for Rachel. She hailed a cab like a pro and the two of us climbed in.

Rachel gave the driver Katie's address and he headed in that direction. Rachel scooted close to me in the back seat, her hands resting on my chest while I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Thank you for doing this, Noah. I can't think of anyone else who'd be willing to drive me to New York, then take me to see an old friend just because I wanted to. You truly are amazing."

"Nah, I'm not. I just like seeing you smile. You never smile anymore. Well, you smile, but you don't mean it. You're always so sad, so anything I can do to make you happy makes me happy. I'm really just being a selfish person," I joked, leaning down to kiss her once.

Rachel placed her hands on the side of my face, kissing me once before pulling back, her tongue running over her bottom lip. "Well, this is still an awful lot to do just to make yourself happy."

"Well, part of it is also because I love you," I said, leaning in for another kiss, pulling Rachel close.

"Noah," she mumbled against my lips, her arms wrapping around my neck. "We're not making out in the back of a taxi. God only knows what has gone down back here. Plus, it's so…_trashy_."

"I don't see you trying to push me off, babe," I laughed, my lips still pressed against hers. Rachel stopped protesting then, instead climbing and sitting on my lap. This was always my favorite part of a relationship—the beginning part where you couldn't get enough of each other. Then again, I hadn't been able to get enough of Rachel since sophomore year of high school.

It seemed the drive was a lot shorter than I had hoped. We pulled up to an apartment building and Rachel climbed out of the car, adjusting her skirt and fixing her hair. I handed the driver some money before I joined Rachel, taking her hand again.

Together, we walked up to the building. She scanned the buzzer with the lists of tenants, pressing one labeled "Thompson/Weston."

"Thompson's Katie, and Weston is her boyfriend, Brody," she explained as a voice came through the intercom.

"Hello?"

"Katie? Katie Thompson?"

"Yes, who's this?"

"It's Rachel Berry."

There was silence on the other end. I thought she was just ignoring us until the door opened and a petite girl with blonde hair stood there. She had a pair of sweatpants on with a t-shirt on top. She had slipped on a pair of flip flops as well. Her short hair was messy and sticking up in a few places, though she could have also styled it that way—I would never understand girl fashion.

"Rachel?" Katie asked, looking Rachel over for a few seconds before she pulled her into a hug. "Oh my god, Rachel! It's really you! I can't believe it! I was going to call you—everyone here's been freaking out after that blog thing went viral. Brody kept saying we should take a road trip to Ohio and visit to see you, though I figured we should call first to make sure you were still alive…"

Katie rambled on for a few more minutes, not even realizing I was standing right there. She only looked up when I cleared my throat, drawing attention to myself.

"Is this the guy?" she asked. "You're the one who's writing the blog thing and taking Rachel wherever she wants to go right? Dude, you're my hero!" She walked over to me, giving me a high five.

I laughed a little, giving her a smile. "I like your old roommate, Rachel. I expected some theater geek. She's actually kind of cool."

"Well, I was in the middle of making lunch. Come up you two. Brody's out at work, but that doesn't matter." She punched in the code for the door, holding it open for Rachel and I. We made our way upstairs, heading into Katie's apartment.

It was exactly the kind of thing I would expect for a girl who was at a performing arts school. The walls were covered with posters for various Broadway shows and ballets. There was a piano pushed against the wall and a wide open area of floor space I assumed was for dancing. The furniture was worn and didn't match with anything. I assumed the bedroom was the same way.

Katie walked into the kitchen, telling us to make ourselves comfortable. I sat on the couch while Rachel followed Katie into the kitchen. I heard them talking in hushed whispers with an occasional giggle, but nothing more.

I would glance up every once in a while and find both of them looking at me, but they'd look back at the stove as soon as they caught me looking. Of course they were talking about me—girls always talked about guys.

Eventually, Katie called me over to eat, and the three of us shared a meal of stir fry with rice. The entire meal, Katie kept asking me about myself, prompting Rachel to tell her to stop interrogating me.

"You're acting like he's a criminal or something," she laughed.

"I'm just making sure he's good enough for you. I mean, he obviously loves you and all—he can't take his eyes off you. But that's also because you two haven't spent a lot of time together—you guys have been together for what, a few weeks?"

"Perceptive," I said.

Katie held up a hand to stop me from talking. "I wasn't done, stupid. You see Rachel as a goddess and worship the ground she walks on. You'd do anything for her both because you're head over ass for her but also because she's sick and you want to make her last few months mean something." Katie turned her attention to Rachel. "You're cautious because you don't want to get involved with someone when you know you're not going to be around to have a life with them, but you also can't fight your feelings for him. I'm guessing love exchanges have already happened—most likely recently—so now you're feeling a little more comfortable around him, though you're still worried about how he's going to react when you start really getting sick."

"You're a mind-reader," Rachel laughed, though I could see her shift a little uncomfortably with what Katie had said about her. I didn't want Rachel being cautious and getting worried about what I was going to do when things started getting bad. I didn't know what was going to happen to Rachel—she hadn't told me what happened to people with ALS besides the fact that they died. All I knew was, regardless of what happened, I'd stay with her until the end.

Once we'd finished eating, Rachel and I said our goodbyes and left Katie. Katie promised to come out to Ohio with Brody for the concert we had planned, and Rachel promised to text her every few days to tell her she was still alive.

Right before we left, Katie pressed an envelope into my hand as Rachel used the bathroom. "Here," she whispered, instructing me to put it in my pocket. "My parents sent me it for my birthday, but you guys need it more than me. Make sure all her dreams come true. She deserves it more than anyone else I know."

I nodded my head. "You're a good friend to her," I said.

"I meant what I said before. You really do care about her. Just don't fuck things up. She only has so much time left, and I'd hate for her to spend her last however many months heartbroken over some stupid boy, no offense."

"None taken. And I won't. I love her, and she knows I do. I'd do anything for her. Hell, if she wanted to I'd take her to Vegas and marry her, as crazy as that sounds."

"She does want that, but she wants the big wedding with the white dress, not some quickie wedding in a Vegas chapel. And remember, you don't have five years to work up the courage to propose. I wouldn't take your time, because she might not be around in a month for you to ask her."

Rachel emerged from the bathroom then and gave Katie a kiss on the cheek. I gave her a wave as we left the apartment, hailing a cab shortly after. We climbed in, sitting in the back seat together. I handed the driver a slip of paper with the address, putting my arm around Rachel as he drove off.

Rachel and I both stayed silent for a bit, both of us thinking over everything Katie had said. Of course marrying Rachel had crossed my mind. I never thought of myself as the marrying kind, but falling for Rachel had changed everything. I knew we'd only been…whatever we were for a few weeks, but I also knew we didn't have the time for a normal relationship.

"So, what were you and Katie talking about earlier?" I asked, breaking the silence. "I heard the two of you whispering in the kitchen while she was making us lunch."

"Oh, clothes and stuff," she said, waving her hand.

"You were totally taking about me," I teased, kissing her cheek. "Don't deny it—I know it's true." Rachel stuck her tongue out at me as I kissed her again.

The car came to a stop and I got out of the car, paying the driver before helping Rachel out. She looked up at the building we were in, her eyes growing wide. "Noah?" she squeaked. "What are we doing here?"

"Come on, babe. We're checking off another thing from your list."


End file.
